Chapter 19

Between the pain on her arm, the cut on her cheek and the shocking photos in her lap, Bellatrix didn't know which one to quite focus on. She sat still, staring down at the picture. Her mind was in chaos, trying to process everything, and her heart was in her throat. "I didn't...those photos are–" She began, her voice a low mutter, a mixture of confusion and surprise. "Didn't what?" Cillian interrupted, his tone clipped. "Surprised aren't you? Never thought I'd find out?” "No," She was quick to answer, turning her attention towards him. "That's not it at all. These photos...this is a misunderstanding Cillian. Nothing happening here, Damien was simply offering to help me with the Luméva contract. That's all." Cillian was quiet, his expression cold. He didn't respond, and his silence sent a chill down her spine, but his next words were like needles to her heart. "He helped you with a contract that big, there obviously has to be a price. Tell me, did you also sell your body to him this time around, like you did the last time?" Bellatrix's eyes twitched, fighting between a frown and widening, but that didn't stop the look of disbelief that flashed across her face. "It's not like that, Cillian," Even though there was no reason to explain herself, Bellatrix said with a stern tone, hoping—even though it was foolish—that for once, he'd believe her. Listen to her. But that didn't happen. When Bellatrix looked at him, rather than the one thing she had wished to see—understanding—she was faced with a cold gaze full of disdain. Seeing it, even though she had promised herself to stop loving such a heartless man, she felt the familiar emotion of pain grip her heart. "It's not like that?" Cillian's tone dripped with disgust as he scoffed. "Then pray tell, what's it like? Why don't you tell me, why is it that you keep running into that bastard's arms like a little bitch in heat. While you're at it, also tell me which other bastard you've sold yourself to like a common whore." A common whore. Those words, along with the venom behind it, stung. A lot. Bellatrix clenched her fist, blinking back tears that welled against her will. Slowly, her lips parted. "You...you don't have the right to talk about me like that. You don't know me like you think you do.” The corners of Cillian's lips curved into a smile, followed by a clipped laugh. "I don't know you like I think I do? Tell me, Bellatrix, what part of what I've said isn't correct. You obviously had other guys before me, right, after all, you weren't even a virgin the first time we had sex." The battle was now between the pain induced by her nails digging into her palm and the pain in her heart, induced by Cillian's words. The words of the very same man who had taken her first time...yet, didn't remember. What would he say if he found out the truth, that he had taken her first time during a drunken mistake, and then proceeded to forget completely. "You don't know me at all," She said again, voice dancing between the lines of a whisper and determination. "And I would not stand by and watch you insult me, while you're a hypocrite yourself." Cillian's cold smile faded. "A hypocrite?" A smile graced Bellatrix's lips, but it was strained...pained. "You talk to me like you're a saint, like you've done no wrong, but you've committed the worst crime; sleeping around with different women and even going as far as having an affair with your very own sister-in-law. Tell me, is that something a saint would do? Ah, perhaps I should ask Regina, she's the saint in all this, isn't she–" Cillian's reaction was swift, faster than a whip. In an instant, he raised his palm in the air. On instinct, one she had built from years of enduring Regina's maltreatment, Bellatrix clammed her eyes shut, bracing herself for the impact. It never came. Instead, a loud smack echoed in the car and even without opening her eyes, Bellatrix knew Cillian had hit something else. He wasn't a woman beater, that was for sure, but the fact that he even had the thought of raising his hand against her, something he'd never do to Regina, shattered her heart. A second passed and her heart, that had been beating a mile a minute, gradually began to slow. When she finally opened her eyes, her vision blurred and the tears that had built in her eyes, now ran freely down her cheeks. But with less than a second for her to process everything, Cillian reached out and wrapped his hand around her throat. His large fingers easily wrapped themselves around her slender neck and as he pulled her closer, she felt her breath being squeezed out of her. "Don't you ever dare talk about her like that!" He spat. "Don't you dare put any of this on her. This is all your fault! Your fault! You knew back then that she's the one I wanted to marry, yet, you used underhanded tricks and became my wife. So whether or not I have an affair with the woman I love, is none of your fucking business!” Bellatrix's chest ached, the familiar ache that she always felt, the one that came along with loving Cillian. However, through the pain, she smiled and asked in a strained voice. "Then, if you can cheat with the woman your heart belongs to, why can't I?" Cillian's fingers twitched against her skin, a sign that her words had an effect on him. But, the anger in his eyes did not dim, it only grew, fueled by the disdain and hatred he bore for her. "You're such a pathetic woman, Bellatrix. You put yourself in this position and now, you can't even handle it," Shaking his head, his eyes scanned her face, cold and full of hatred. "Women like you are the worst. Despicable and desperate, not to forget disgusting. You don't deserve to be breathing the same air as Gina does." "You're right, I don't deserve to breathe the same air as she does. I don't even deserve to live in this world," Reaching up, she wrapped her trembling fingers around Cillian's arm and smiled. The smile however, looked broken and empty. A second too long passed by before she added. "Don't worry, your wish will soon come true. You'll like that, won't you?" Searching his eyes, she found nothing but coldness and disdain. It was a gaze that would have hurt her, but in her current state, she couldn't feel anything. It was ironic, how her own death would bring about his happiness. The tears that were falling down her face, now stopped. Her heart no longer ached. In the past, she had thought that the day her heart would stop aching would be the day her death. However, at that very moment, her heart wasn't the only thing that was stopping. It was her feelings for him. The love, the pain, the hurt, the sadness, the desperation. At that moment, all of that began to fade away. "Whether you die or not, that's not any of my business. Even if it means taking it off your dead body, I'll make sure you give a kidney to Gina." After saying that, he shoved her away. Her back collided with the door and her shoulder ached. But the sound of her wincing in pain was drowned out by Cillian's words. "Get out." He ordered, his cold tone laced with the finality. For a few seconds, Bellatrix remained still, staring at him with an unreadable expression. Then, slowly, she gathered her things and pushed the car door open and stepped down. Immediately she closed the door, the car's engine came to life and she watched as it drove off without an ounce of hesitation. Standing in the cold of the night, with nothing but the ache in her heart as her company, Bellatrix swallowed thickly, trying her best to hold back her tears. Her breath came shaky and cracked as she wrapped her arms around herself, trying to assure herself that everything was going to be okay. But deep down, she knew, nothing was going to be okay.