#Chapter 167 – Hard to be Queen

About an hour later, after making Lucy and Bianca their plates and cleaning up the kitchen, I’m doing as instructed. Laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, a full glass of wine on the bedside table. The television is on – but honestly, I have no idea what is even playing. I have no real interest in it. No, apparently the only thing the television is giving me right now is a series of changing colored lights on the ceiling as fictional people live out their fictional dramas. As I contemplate my own very real life. And even as I repeat Christian’s phrases over and over again in my head – that good things are coming, that Christian is building a better world, that these people he had killed were threatening our lives… God, something within me still sinks. Like a rock, to the bottom of a very deep pond. A lake, maybe an ocean. I just…know that it’s not right. In the depths of me, I know that something’s wrong with this world in which I’ve found myself somehow, mysteriously, a