Chapter 7 man without a soul

Tyler has just taken a life, Luke s crazy rampage has come to an end. His hand is wrapped around my shoulder as we walk back to his truck. Not a word is being spoken; how does something like this affect someone, how does taking a life affect your own. What is this going to do to the man next to me, the man that I love, the man that has just paid the ultimate sacrifice to save my life? A situation that was created by me that turned a friend into a monster. I am scared I lose Tyler, not him itself, but his mind; right now, he shows no feeling or remorse, will he, in time, start losing himself. I don t know what to say to him, but I have to say something; the silence drives me insane. I need to know if he is okay if he is going to be okay, "Baby." He briefly turns his head and looks at me, "Yes, baby." Without trying to sound with too much desperation in my voice, I search for his eyes to reassure me, "Please tell me if you are okay?" "I am fine," He softly mumbles under his breath, then he shocks me with what he says next. "It was either mine or his. Who knows, even yours." I keep quiet for a few seconds before I speak again, "Are you going to be okay?" "Yes, I will be okay." He places his hand gently on my hand and whisper, "Please don't worry; I am not going to fall apart." "Promise me you will tell me if you do." "I promise." Somehow there is a part of me that does not seem to worry that he is just saying this to take my worry away. And then, with that, I can see his body cringe, "Let s get you home to get out that awful damn wedding dress." I immediately change the conversation to get his mind away from whatever he is thinking, "Are we still going up to the ranch?" "Yes, we can leave in the morning." The drive back home is quiet; I can see it is playing off over and over in his head. There is a dark look in his eyes; it s almost like his soul is gone. He is holding my hand, but he feels ice cold; there is a slight tremble in his body. The man I love is not there, even though he tells me that he is. First, I create a monster, and now I have created a soulless ghost of a man. Can our marriage survive this, a marriage that is going to be over even before it started? When we finally get home, he leads me to the bedroom where he starts unbuttoning my wedding dress; taking his soft hands, he slips it over my shoulders, down the length of my body, resting his hands on my waist for a second before letting it pool around my feet on the floor. He turns to go to the bathroom to run a warm shower; I follow him close behind. I step into the shower; I close my eyes and let the water run down my hair all over my body. A cool breeze tickles my nipples, and they instantly harden. I can feel him standing and staring at my body while he is watching me shower. When I open my eyes, I see him slip off his black boxers and step into the shower with me. Damn, he is a sight to behold, especially when he is standing naked in front of me. I step back to allow the showerhead to spray him with droplets that do nothing but accentuate his strong shoulders, glisten off his arms and trickle down his chest. I watch the droplets that travel down his chest, down to his cock, and fuck, what a goddamn big cock it is. It s the type of cock you want to conquer with your mouth and your pussy. He doesn t even have to "man-scape" since he barely has any hair surrounding his cock; what little he has is like an arrow pointing to his prize possession. Well, it s actually more like my prized possession. I grab two bath sponges and pour body wash into both, one for him and one for me. I turn my back to him so he can scrub me down, first my back, then my neck. He then scrubs down my legs and even the soles of my feet. I spin around to face him. I start washing his chest, his shoulders, his neck, then his back. Once we are done, he grabs a towel and wraps it around his waist. He picks me up off the floor and carries me out of the bathroom. He lays me down on the bed, he drops his towel, and cuddles up next to me. "I love you." "I love you too." I try to find his eyes again as he wants to turn away from me, and god knows why but I need him to know, "I am sorry for what I have done to you." He does not say a word but closes his eyes and pulls me closer to his chest, "Get some rest. "Everything will be better in the morning." The next morning when I wake up, Tyler is not next to me; I slip on a robe and head downstairs; he is nowhere to be found in the kitchen or lounge either. I find him standing next to the pool, just staring at the water, with no emotion in his eyes; his body does not give away a sign of feeling as well. I have broken him; he is not the same; I am afraid that I have lost him. Not only was Luke s life taken but Tyler s life too. I am afraid I am never going to see that carefree man that I have fallen in love with again. "Baby," I know that I should stop asking him, but I need to know, "Are you okay?" "Yes," he gives me what I know is a fake smile, "I am fine. Do you want to leave in an hour?" "Sure, I will get everything ready." As I am busy packing, when I see smoke coming from the side of the house, I rush outside to see what is causing it, where I find Tyler busy burning my wedding dress. I turn away, and tears burst from my eyes, not for my dress but for the man that is standing there burning it. I don t know what to do. I phone his sister. It does not take long for her to answer, "Hey Jenna. Is everything ok?" "No," I say as I almost whisper, "It s Tyler. Something is wrong, he is not the same" I listen as Brooke sighs, "I was scared this was going to happen." Her words bring me so much emotion, I swallow hard and try not to break down, "How do I fix him?" "You can t." "Is this the first time?" "Yes." I can hear her voice starts to tremble, and I know that she is close to tears. "Even though Luke was what he was in the end, he was a friend from the start. This shit breaks a man." An hour later, we get ready to leave for the ranch. I look at Tyler, and I see that there is nothing, is nothing left in him. So I take the keys from him, "Let me drive." He does not even argue and lets me drive. As we get to the road where you can turn left or right, I think back to the last time I had to make this decision; I turned right away from Luke and created a monster that has now left another a ghost. If only I turned left, Luke would not have become what he did, and Tyler will still be a man. I wish I can go left and get the man back that I lost.