Chapter 1 Letting Go

As I stood outside the fondue restaurant, I felt a rare sense of calm and relief. Groups of smiling people kept walking past me, looking youthful and at peace with each other. They looked really lively. I cast one last glance at Nancy Boseman, my daughter, inside the restaurant. She was happily video chatting with someone, and based on her lip movement, I could read the words "Dad" and "New mom". My gaze involuntarily fell on the reflection in the glass. If it weren't for the fact that I was standing still alone, I wouldn't have believed that this bloated, greasy, disheveled woman was me. I still remember clearly what Nancy looked like when she was born. She was like a soft, warm, tiny bundle. Just like that, 16 years flew by, and my 16 years of widow-like marriage had worn me down. Still, I could honestly say that I never neglected Nancy—not for a single day or matter, and not even if she lost a strand of hair or chipped a nail. I didn't know when Nancy became the way she was now, and I didn't think I had done anything wrong. The ones to blame were her absent father, her overly indulgent grandmother, and her grandfather, who was verbally abusive toward me. "It's fine! It's just puppy love, isn't it? That boy seems nice. My granddaughter's got good taste, unlike your dad, who married a wench and ruined the whole family. "In the future, don't be like your mom, who ruins our peaceful life and makes everyone feel uncomfortable. "What else do you do at home every day besides getting angry? You're such a downer. "Another new outfit? Didn't we just buy you one last year? You only stay home to cook and don't even go out, so why buy new clothes? Who are you dressing up for?" "It's your fault. If not for you, would I be paralyzed? What kind of punishment is this for my son to have married you? Get out!" I had heard these words for the past 16 years. Nancy thought of me as a petty, fussy, ignorant, and bad-tempered failure of a woman as a result. One side was a nagging, ill-tempered mother who always tried to discipline her, while the other—a tender, loving father and grandmother—provided her with love and freedom. When we were under the same roof, the comparison was starkly different. Still, I always thought Nancy knew right from wrong. As I looked back on the past 16 years, I realized I truly had nothing. Outside the restaurant, the wind blew my hair across my face, and inside, three people were gathered laughing around the fondue pot. Just then, my phone rang. It was my mother-in-law, Petra Boseman, calling. I rejected the call immediately, but I still couldn't help feeling disgusted. Back then, when I was eight months pregnant, my father-in-law—Gary Boseman—became a paraplegic. Petra claimed she couldn't take care of Gary and that the hired caretaker was unreliable, so she just moved in with us. But ever since Petra moved in, she had been out every day playing poker or going dancing and was barely home at all. Meanwhile, my husband, Jack Boseman, disappeared from the picture completely after only two days of caring for Gary. Thus, the burden of caring for Gary fell squarely on my shoulders. I suggested hiring a caretaker, but the whole family opposed it. Gary had only moved in for less than half a month when he pushed me, causing me to go into premature labor. The memory of that pain still made me shudder, even 16 years later. I finally left the restaurant completely shortly after that. Of course, turning away still made me feel a little sad. After all, Nancy had been my emotional anchor for the past 16 years. However, I told myself it was okay and that I'd be fine soon, considering Jack had long been cheating on me, and she fully supported it. As I turned around, a gust of wind blew past, and I took a deep breath. Who would've thought that on such an ordinary night, I would give everything up and stand alone on a crowded street? For the first time in a long time, I felt the sense of peace I had longed for these past 16 years. The darkness of night, the breeze, and the neon lights… Everything felt so wonderful. I felt my nose sting at that moment. I seemed to see the me from 16 years ago, standing in the wind and waving at me. 16 years ago, I majored in tourism management and had just graduated from university. When Jack proposed to me, the travel agency my roommate and I had started was just hitting a growth peak. For the sake of love, I gave up a promising future and confined myself to a life of cooking daily and a tiny apartment. … After snapping out of my reverie, I felt hungry. I didn't have enough money, and I had only ordered what Nancy wanted at the fondue restaurant. When I took out my phone to check my bank balance, sitting at just over a hundred dollars, my hands trembled slightly. My phone rang again at that moment. I couldn't suppress the disgust I felt. No one but that family would call me. I planned to turn off my phone, for I was too tired to argue with them. Yet, when I saw the name flashing on my phone, I became dazed for a second. I patted my head, and the coldness of my hand woke me up slightly. I answered the call. "Shannon?" When I heard that familiar voice on the other end, it felt like I was dreaming. As soon as I said her name, I couldn't hold back anymore and burst into tears. On the other end, Shannon panicked immediately. "D-Don't cry! Where are you? I'm coming to find you right now." Shannon Lane was my university roommate and the only one who still remembered my birthday after all these years. I wanted to tell her where I was, but I couldn't stop crying. I felt extremely guilty about getting married when I shouldn't have back then. … There was a long silence on the other end of the phone. Once I finally stopped crying, Shannon asked me again where I was. I simply told her I wanted to go to her place and that I'd go by myself. She laughed coldly and asked if I even had money. I had never told her anything about my life, yet she could see my hardship at a glance. Thus, I promptly gave her my location. "Half an hour," she simply mentioned before ending the call. Right after I hung up, I got a notification. It was a transfer of 20,000 dollars from Shannon. I was stunned, since I hadn't seen that much money since I got married. Just as I was about to send her a message, she followed up with another text. "This was always your money. Take it for now, and we'll talk when we meet." The message came with a photo of a hand on a steering wheel. Suddenly, I recalled the day I was discharged from the hospital after giving birth. Jack had said he would pick me up, but even as I waited until noon, he never showed up. I held my baby and handled the discharge paperwork myself before going home alone. As soon as I opened the door, all that greeted me was Gary's yelling and cursing. … Half an hour later, Shannon appeared. A red G-Wagon stopped right in front of me, and the window slowly rolled down to reveal her face. I laughed, knowing we could both still be our past selves from 16 years ago. "I knew you'd end up like this. You just had to marry that scumbag!" Shannon snorted. She waved for me to hurry up and get into the passenger seat. When I got in, I felt the heater blasting comfortably. "Save the emotional talk for later. Let's get your livelihood in order first," Shannon said firmly. All my tragic thoughts instantly vanished when I heard that. She kept driving while explaining to me what the 20,000 dollars was about.