Chapter One: Regina’s Dilemma

My distorting mind drifted to a few minutes earlier when a much wider grin graced my lips. The glance at the silverware lined up beside the dishes and lighted candles with its sweet-smelling fragrance smoke caressed my nostrils. Everything seemed perfect for the night. The positivity that this would work buried every doubt. The cling from the silverware on the ceramic plate drew me back to our dinner. My appetite evaporated as well as every other hope of having a perfect night. I could not tell what had stolen it all, maybe the sight of the splattered food around the table, the already burnt-out candles or the fact that Thomas had not said a word to me. At intervals, I would look up to find him munching on each bite of the spaghetti meatballs I had prepared specially for the day. On every bite, he took a glance at the screen of his phone. I wanted to speak, to tell him to look at me instead. We would share a smile, maybe laugh over old memories, and he would tell me that he loved me. But I could tell he was ignorant of so much that it boiled down in my belly. The churn did not stop and my mind wandered far. “Darling, do you know what day it is?” I finally let out. “What?” He asked in between a bite. “I mean today's date?” “This is the 17th of May, why?” I returned to my meal without another word, noticing his eyes on the screen again. "Would you not pick up your call?" I asked. “Not important,” He said firmly without looking up, "What's happening today? You didn't mention.” I dropped the cutlery, gulping down a cup of water, “Today is my birthday darling,” He paused, finally looking up. “It's today?” “Yes, I share the same birthday with Catherine, your personal assistant. Did you forget?” I asked. He did not reply but moved his eyes again to the screen of his phone. “She is the one calling, isn't she?” "Who?” “Catherine.” "I don't know what you are talking about.” “I saw the wrapped present in your drawer two days ago. At first, I thought it was for me, but then, I grew too curious and went through it. I never asked you for a lingerie, that was when I realized it wasn't for me.” Thomas avoided my eyes as I searched for his. I had done it again, reading him like a book. He hated it when I did that. His silence choked me, sapping me of what was left of me. At times like this, I wanted him to cook up something just to see me happy. To say comforting words, speak lies that would elevate my hurting heart, at least I would feel the warmth of his attempt to make me calm. I would have preferred he had said he had an ageing disease that made him forget important details about me than to face the reality right in front of me, the one that clearly showed that he was running out of love for me. "I still don't know what you are talking about.” “You clearly forgot about my birthday but you got a present for another lady whose birthday is today. What is there not to understand?” “Oh, I see,” He dropped the cutlery from his grip. “What?” I asked. “That’s the reason for this meal and why you sent all the servants away?” “I wanted to do something special for us. You never seem to be at home anymore. We don't do anything together. It's like we are...” “Regina! Is this the reason for this meal? To tell me what I should do in this marriage?” “We have been married for twenty years Thomas and every year you never forget my birthday, not until last year. What has changed?” My voice quivered and my throat went dry again. “I think I have lost my appetite.” He yanked off the chair as it crashed to the ground, cold sweat rushed down my forehead as I watched him walk away. “Thomas! Where are you going?” “Don’t wait up for me, I’ll be back late.” He said those words without even looking back, with every passing day, a stalk of our marriage faded away but I was willing to give it a chance. I waited up for Thomas, sitting on the couch of the room we shared together in my night robe. He came back just as I predicted, with the stress of the long day written all over him. On nights like this, he would crave for my touch, to caress his skin and heal his wounded tired mind. “Hey Thomas,” I said calmly. “You startled me, what are you doing? I thought I told you not to wait up for me.” “Well, it's not midnight yet and it's still my birthday. We can still make it fun.” I ignored his questions, leaving the couch as I strolled towards him and I took off the robe. “I'm sorry about the dinner, I didn’t mean to upset you.” I touched his shoulders. "Regina, you have to go to bed, I have had a long day and I need to rest.” He took down my hands moving away from me. "I know you had a long day, let me take care of you. I’d wrap my arms around you like I used to and kiss...” I moved in for a peck but Thomas stopped me halfway pushing me aside. “Stop it! Put back your robe and go to bed! I think you should find something to do with your time other than being over dramatic. You aren't the only one with a birthday.” Tears welled in my aging eyes from within my aching heart, “ Do you not find me attractive anymore?” I asked and he looked away. “Answer me! Do you not love me enough to lay with me anymore? Back then, you could not resist me. What has changed Thomas? Tell me what has changed?” His silence was like the sharp edges of a dagger that pierced through me. Slowly, I could feel every bit of the growing agonizing pain. I yearned for a response, something that would plant another seed of hope. But he said nothing. With every second that passed, I became an even more bitter wife. “Do you still want me here?” My voice choked as hot tears flowed freely. He pulled further away towards the door. “Regina, I do not have time for this drama tonight.” “Where are you going? You just returned.” He put on his shirt and walked out towards the door. I hoped he turned and looked at me so he would tell me that he was sorry and he wanted me, but he did not turn back nor call out to me.