Chapter Five: Caught in camera

As soon as Thomas went to bed I walked out of the house in my favorite sneakers and a duffle bag on my shoulders. The lights from the lamp post illuminated my way as I scurried to the apartment inscribed with the number fifty-seven. The windows were dark as I looked, it seemed no one was in. I tapped again on the door looking above my shoulders to avoid seeing anyone around and just then I heard the sound of the bolt the door slowly pulled open and I walked in. “Jayden!” “Mum!” He threw himself on me in a tight hug. “I have missed you,” He said. “When did you get back?” “Just yesterday and I couldn't wait another day to see you. How is Dad?” "Your father is at his best. You know we really need to stop seeing each other like this. You are my son and not some forbidden love interest.” "This is the only way, mom. Dad doesn't want to have anything to do with a son who can't be a man.” "But you’ll always be my boy no matter what.” "Don't say that. "It was hard to recognize your new look.” “I just had my third facial surgery.” "I see.” “How are you, Mom?” “I'm doing great,” I forced a smile but it was a bit too late as it appeared as a sardonic look. “I'm not Dad, you don't have to pretend.” “I haven't seen you in like a year and that is the last thing I want us to talk about.” “Mom, I want you to meet someone.” As he announced, a much older guy walked out from within the apartment. “This is Sam. My boyfriend.” "Hey, Sam,” I waved shortly at him, he was more manly than Jayden. “Hey, Mrs Miles. Jayden talks about you all the time.” “I'm not surprised that he does, I’m the best mom in the world.” I playfully tweaked his cheek like I used to when we went out for ice cream or to the pack,” and he slid away shyly. "Mom stop, I’m not a kid anymore.” Soon Sam stepped out leaving just us again. “Mom, I'm sorry.” Jayden began. "What are you apologizing for?” “I'm not the man that you and Dad wished me to be. The billionaire son that would be the rightful heir to the empire. I have failed you both. No wonder Dad doesn't think I exist.” “Hey baby, don't say that. I can never hate you because you are gay. I love you even more because you are braver than I could ever be. You found your path even with the much pressure around. You went for what you wanted. That's the bravest thing one can ever do to in life.” Tears swelled in my eyes as I wiped it off, “Don’t ever think that you have failed me because you haven't and we should not be meeting like this. You should come to the house and bring Sam along for Thanksgiving next weekend. It would really mean a lot to me.” Jayden said nothing but I knew he had the words in his heart, I held him in my arms as a stream of silence eluded us and everyone was engulfed in their thoughts not knowing what the next words would be until it landed like an explosion in my ear. “Do you still love him? I mean father.” And for once in my life that question seemed hazy. “Truth is I don't know. I have taken shits from him for so long that I don't know if it's the compiled rage speaking, that of a tired mind or the real fact that I’m running out of love for him.” “If you still did, there wouldn't be so much confusion in one question.” It amused me that once my entire existence solely relied on Thomas but now, the one thing that kept me living with him was like a mirage on a distant route. Thomas' presence in the living room startled me just as I walked in. “I didn’t think you would be awake.” "And so you went to see your boyfriend.” “What are you talking about? I went to see Jay...” “Save me the details.” "What do you care about anyway?” “I don't. But I will not sit and watch you drag my name down the mud because you have decided to become a slut.” "You don't get to call me names Thomas. You can just get on with your life without making everyone know how horrible you are.” "She called me horrible. Well, at least I didn't go around town with younger guys and dancing with poles in a club.” "I have no idea what you are saying.” He dropped the pile of pictures and video footage of that night with Evans on the table as the video of my dance played. “Thomas, how did you get hold of this?” “You disgust me, woman. First, you went back to work and now this? You really are growing some wings, woman aren't you? But guess what? I'm not going to hesitate to clip them off! You act all holy making me the devil but you are the worst person any man can be with. I guess this lowlife you parade yourself with doesn't know that yet.” “Don’t insult him, you don't know him.” “I know you. You have the worst taste for everything.” He said. "And I chose you, it explains a lot. And for the record, he is a better man in just a few hours compared to all the years I've spent with you.” "Regina!” Thomas grabbed me as I made to leave, his eyes, bloodshot with a look I had never seen before. “Let go of me, you are hurting my arms.” “As long as I haven't signed those divorce papers, you keep your miserable self on your shelf. In fact, avoid the outside world you do not deserve any breath of fresh air. I repeat, don't drag my name into the mud.” "Or what?” "You won't like the outcome, and I mean every word I say.” I suddenly detested his presence as I fled to my bedroom. I threw myself to the bed as hot tears flowed down my cheek, his words like a chainsaw always running through me even when I posed with thick skin. He had done it again. Making me feel a lower version of myself. How could I have been so stupid to think that I would have life again with a man much younger? The more I thought about it, the more I wanted so badly to never step my feet out again but one thing kept me afloat, the fact that Thomas had all the details of that night. Maybe he still kept tabs on me and watched over me like the shepherds watched its flock. I didn't know, there was so much puzzle to his existence that after so long I still could not decipher. Each day that passed, a part of me broke off into many pieces, into tiny bits that I could no longer grasp. As I made to leave the bed the light-headedness that had somehow come to well put me back to bed as I curled up to sleep.