Chapter68:

Fear, disbelief, and my guard went up because of how many times he had gotten close over the years, only to be an asshole again. I never even thought this would be a factor, but I guess there has to be fallout for how he’s behaved most of our lives. I don’t doubt how I feel about him, but I have major insecurity about how he feels about me. I have trust issues because of him. The lies he’s led me to believe and the way he has hurt me before, and now I see that’s got to be why I am reacting so strangely to something I want. I keep expecting someone to jump out with a camera and say, ‘Surprise, you were pranked.’ “Gotcha…. This is new for me, too, okay. I’m not exactly well-versed in any of this…..My style is more of the treat em mean, keep em keen, and leave them crying into their pillow.” He shrugs, half joking, but I shake my head at him, knowing that’s truer than even I want to admit. “I have never wanted to mean more to a girl, except to you.” “I might be having second thoughts.” I