Chapter 9

"I let him perform Moonstone at your brother's pipitchuging school even though I didn't want to. He told me if I wouldn't let him leave the band. Did you see? He can give up everything for you."

"And you know I can't do anything about Chaos' decision. It's just stubborn non." Ani ko.

"I know, so you'd better just stay away. No matter how much I'll pay you, just leave him."

B-why is there a part of me that hurts?

"Even if you don't pay me, that's what I'm doing. Leave because I won't be leaving this hospital."

I saw his itchura soften and it seemed like he really had no choice.

"Please, just think of Chaos' sacrifice ever since. Don't let him let go of his dream just for you. He plans to let go of showbiz and just focus on you. I'm here because you're the only solution. " I silently cast spells, Goodness Chaos! What are you really doing ?!

"Get out."

"Have mercy!"

"I said Leave!" I shouted, so he did nothing and walked to the door and came out. He even managed to throw the door open.

I was shaken and just sat on the couch, even though he didn't say that I didn't plan to love that man. He has no place in my heart. I can only go out with her because I need her for Sherina's sake.

What should I do?

I haven't had a crush on Chaos since the beginning but why do I feel different now? There seems to be pain in my heart.

At seven pm I took my bag, my shift was over. I checked my phone and saw a text from Chaos.

Chaos:

I'm already here waiting for you.

I don't have to ask where he is because I know he's in the parking lot.

Jill wasn't there when I left so I went out and went straight to the parking lot.

No one, I caught him leaning against his car and he turned the keys with his finger. Because of the noise of my steps, he looked at me, so we straightened him up and met me.

I don't know but I was able to avert my eyes when I saw his soft expression given saken.

"Let me." I coldly promised when he tried to snatch my bag for saken. I started walking to his car.

"Do we have a problem Sha?" he asked in trouble when we were both already in his car.

"You know from the beginning there's a problem with Chaos." He still does not operate the vehicle.

"Sha why do I feel different now?" He asked.

"Let's leave now."

"But ----"

"I said let's go." I first heard him sigh before starting the car, I just looked out the window because somehow I was getting dizzy.

I don't know why I feel this way, I wasn't like that before. It's okay because other people say bad things because of my heartlessness but why do I feel affected by what his uncle said? I feel like my self -esteem has dropped even though I'm already a nurse. I still feel low compared to Chaos.

It should not be like this.

"Sha we're here." I didn't even realize we were here. I put on my bag first and went out. After a while, he came out and accompanied me to walk. Even in the elevator the two of us felt quiet. Sometimes I see him looking at me from time to time but I just let him.

When I landed, I heard the force of the drums beating again.

I will meet their manager again. This is it!

"They're already here!" Zyle shouted and everyone immediately looked at him. Even from a distance, I could see Kim Saken's frown as if she didn't think I would still go.

Chaos again guided me to sit in my seat yesterday.

"You're late for the Chaos stage again." Kim said but Chaos didn't even look at her, instead he was just looking at her.

"You're sitting down." He said saken with a smile and made me sit down so I couldn't do anything but sit down. When I sat down, he ran up to the stage.

"Chaos you're out of tune!"

"Chaos that's missing the chempo!"

"Chaos forgot mona signal so they're confused!"

Kim's repeated shouts at Chaos, I noticed earlier that she was not on her own and out of condition. He just looks at Kim, I can also see his friends tapping on him in the twing, he will make a mistake.

"Chaos heck! Now you're making mistakes over and over again! The intro is already known, you haven't sung yet !!" Kim shouted at him again.

"Pre do you have a problem?" Zarius asked her.

"No pre." He answered and looked at Saken.

"Tsk fix you Chaos! Jusko that iistressna me! I should come back okay!" Kim shouted and turned to leave this room.

I was surprised when Chaos suddenly came down in a hurry and went to Saken while dragging Saken out.

"Chaos where are you taking me ?!" I asked as he pulled me into the elevator. He hit the rooftop but he still didn't answer me.

He pulled me again when I landed on the rooftop.

"What is your problem?!" I was sick but it just turned away.

I'm disgusted!

"Chaos speak ----"

"I want to quit, Sha." He said and faced saken, I could see in his face that he was having a hard time.

"A-what did you say?"

"I don't want Sha anymore. I'm not happy anymore, I just wanted it because I dreamed of it then but I don't think so now. My job is choking me. I don't have my own privacy anymore and I don't want to get to the point where they separate you saken. "

Chaos, if you only knew.

"This is your dream Chaos, don't let it break just because of saken. Remember that it was your dream before even when you didn't have a life."

"No, since you came into my life. I haven't asked for anything but to be with you for life. That's my dream Sha."

I close my eyes to what he said.

"Chaos! Since then, your world has been spinning! I don't want non Chaos! I don't want you to let go of your dream because ---"

"I will always give up my dream just for you Sha. Because that's how I love you so much." I froze for a moment.

This is the first time he said he loves me.

This is the first time he said that.

He approached Saken and touched my face.

"Sha, ever since then it's just you. First time I laid my eyes on you I know to myself that I will do everything for you. That I can sacrifice all of the things that I have right now just to have you in my arms "Sha, you're the only one missing."

I wanted to slap and slap myself because I felt like I was starting to believe in her but the things Kim said immediately entered my brain.

So even against my will I violently removed his hands from my face.

"What a Chaos! You're so crazy! Stop what you're doing!"

"I'm not crazy Sha! This is what I want! And all I want is to be with you!"

I shook my head over and over again, I don't want to be so bad if I keep believing that I don't want to and yes he does! But that wasn't enough for me to agree to what he wanted. And I won't tell her how I feel because it will only get more complicated. He's so stubborn! I never deserve to be like him.

And I don't like how I feel now, he's slowly destroying my belief that all men are like my father.

"If that's always your point of view, you'd better never approach me again! And don't even go to school!"

"No! No! Sha ... No, I can't. We'll continue our performance. Don't be like this." He tries to touch me but I avoid him.

"You're doing the wrong thing Chaos! You know I'll never want you! Don't choose ----" I couldn't continue what I was going to say when

Fuck!

Just kiss me suddenly!

"Chaoss -----" He continued to kiss me in a violent way, I couldn't even move my hands because he locked it in his chest with one hand while the other was holding my cheek. I keep getting along with him.

He's crazy!

He's kissing me harshly and he doesn't care if I'm hurt, that's why I stepped on his foot so hard that he was released. When he was separated, I slapped him with great force.

He has no right!

He grabbed my slapped cheek while I was breathing fast in disbelief staring at him.

"I-im s-sorry ...." He tried to approach Saken.

"Please don't come any closer! It's just more proven saken that all men are like that! You don't matter Chaos." I am so mad at him.

"Sha, im sorry please!"

But I just shook my head and started running to the elevator so I could get out of this hellish place!

Trembling I hit the ground floor. He could no longer catch up when the elevator closed.

Don't cry Sha, don't please ...

"Hey Sha where is ----" I didn't answer Zarius and I was in a hurry to pass him. I caught up with him here in the parking lot.

When I left the building, the rain fell along with my tears.

Fuck! Why am I crying ?!

Why is it like this?!

I do not like this feeling!

I shouldn"t be feeling any pain in my heart and even more so I shouldn"t be crying!

H-no ....

Even though I was soaking wet from the rain, I was still able to take a taxi and go home to my aunt, I didn't want Alyana to ask me where I came from.

"Sha why are you soaking wet?" Auntie asked worriedly.

"No aunt." It's a good thing my face is wet from the rain because my eyes aren't obviously from crying.

Auntie seemed to feel that I didn't want to speak first so she just nodded.

"All right, take a shower right away and change your clothes so you don't get in pain." He chased after me on the stairs. What a reporter said on TV could not be avoided.

"Chaos Walterson spotted with Diana Sandoval having a date in fancy resturants. It looks like the two are still secretly dating and is Diana really the special girl that Chaos is referring to? They didn't miss it because every post of Chaoa's picture is always a comment Diana. Earlier a fan saw them at a restaurant and shot it --- "I quickly climbed up and hurriedly opened my door. I also threw it closed.

Told you so, Sha.

Don't trust that guy!

I took my phone out of my bag, but the inside of my bag wasn't too damaged.

I saw Chaos's chopped text and so many calls.

Chaos calling ...

I ended it a few times but he kept calling me so I was so annoyed that I threw it against the wall so it split into three. and I also heard the screen crack so I stopped ringing.

Fuck!

"Why did you punch ?! Are you crazy already ?!" When I get angry I shout at Chaos.

"I'm a man Sha so I know the looks that idiot gives you!" At the same time, he stabbed the man who was already on the floor and rubbed the edge of the lip that Chaos had punched. Chaos's hands are clencing and even his jaw is tightening.

"You dont have to tell me and you dont have the right to punch him ----"

"Sha he's taking advantage on you!"

"Taking advantage? Just asked where the gym is! Why is your brain so narrow ?!" Fortunately, no one was here, just the three of us. So it was okay for us to shout while the guy was just watching us.

"Tsk! That his fucking way to get on you! I know him Sha! He's a certified womanizer ----"

"And you don't?" I interrupted what he said, I heard the man that he punched laughed.

"Don't laugh if you don't want me to hit you in the face!" Chaos threatened the man, then Saken looked.

"H-I'm not like that!" I raised an eyebrow at him, "O-okay! I used to be like that but not now!" He was proud of his promise.

"Tsk!" and I turned to walk. I felt that he followed me.

"Just wait Sha!" but I ignored him and just kept walking until he caught up with me.

"Are you always like that? Your throat." Ani nya.

"Pake you?" I thought he would finally stop me but ---

"Hey! Why don't you let me go!" I tried to remove his hold because he suddenly pulled me.

"Come on!" saad nya.

"Are you crazy already? What! We're not even close if you pull saken!"

"Do you want that close?" He stopped pulling saken but he's still holding my hands. There was a playful grin forming on his thin lips.

"H-hey! Stop me ah!"

"What? You said close right? Is this close enough for you?" He asked when the distance between us was just a matter of time. I couldn't even move or calm down from what he was doing, he was just looking straight at me.

I swallowed when he looked down at my lips. So I went back to reality and he pushed hard but the idiot still managed to laugh.

"Fuck!" Its harvest is laughable.

"Fuck yourself!" I shouted and left quickly but he still followed me.

After that, I didn't realize that we were out of school.

I didn't even look at him, he was smiling like a dog.

But I was surprised when he came first and called a beggar boy. I can't hear what they are talking about because I am far away from them. But I can see from here where I stand how Chaos can give a high five to the beggar boy.

I felt amazed, because despite his wealth in life, he has this quality. I only met him once but I seem to see his true nature. Not only did I now see a beggar troop, he was the one I always saw with a child playing in the playground.

But I don't know if I can't see myself liking someone like him. Even if he has all the qualities of a woman in a guy.

The two of them approached, the child's white clothes turned black maybe because of the dirt on his clothes.

"Really, my gerlpren!" I punched him when he hugged me. "Ouch!"

"Your girlfriend is your face!" I smiled at the child.

"How beautiful is your girlfriend, brother Pogi!" I smiled when the young brother Pogi called him.

Seriously?

"Apir tayo jan tropa!" and the two of them parted ways, I stared at Chaos when he winked at me.

"Tara ate!" I was surprised when Tutoy pulled me, I was not able to withdraw my hand because I was really close to the children. The fool whistled as he followed us.

They made me sit on a bench in the playground, and there were many with Tutoy and it looked like everyone was close to Chaos.

My eyes widened as if they were forming. It looks like a triangle, Tutoy is in the front and the others are behind him, Chaos is covered in the back.

What is this function again?

But my eyes widened even more when Tutoy and the others started beating box, they left to give way to Chaos.

"We're things, we're things ..
We're two things ... "

What the? Yes I admit his voice is really good but fuck! I don't know what he's singing! Obvious corner!

"I won't hesitate if I want you,
I can see your eyes too.
In twing with you, in twing with you.
Admit that the two of us really matter ... "

Fuck! Obviously he also doesn't know what he's singing but it's not too much because his voice carries it. And more and more people are watching samen.

"Hala! Ampogi nya shet!"

"So am I too!"

"Putek has a nice voice!"

I hear comments from the spectators, I also see the fun in the eyes of the children who also sang.

When the song ended he went in front of me and took someone from behind.

"And answer that! I'll grab it!" That's gay. I saw Chaos smile.

"What the? Seriously ?! Sampaguita?" I wonder question, right! He was very aggressive against her.

"I already bought Tutoy's brother's sampaguita store to go home. I'm sorry because I don't know your favorite flower."

I'm tired, I'm ready for life's nonsense but I don't know how to flirt!

"Is it okay?" His eyebrows went up and down, I wouldn't have accepted the tulip but when I remembered what he said earlier I just took it. Aunt Amanda's altar was just right.

"It's okay now."

"What's okay ?! I don't know if I'm going to play the song." He put his hand against hers.

I took a deep breath, I couldn't reject him in front of these people and especially the children with him.

Sampaguita? It's okay now.

"Oh son what are you doing at the altar?" I looked at my aunt next to me, I let go of the tulip I was holding.

"Nothing tita."

"Do you have any problems?" Then tita caressed my shoulder.

"No aunt."

"You can talk to me anytime hija, you haven't been to the hospital for two days." Yeah, in those two days, Chaos still didn't know about going to the hospital and even to my friends' house. And last night, Chos also came here but I didn't really leave my room.

I dont want to see him.

"Is it about Chaos?" I looked away when I heard his name.

"Hija I know what you've been through, and I know there's space jan in your heart for Chaos. Don't stop yourself from falling for him too -----"

"Auntie it's not what you think. I don't want anything from her."

"Don't fool me hija, for how long has Chaos always been nanjan for you. Hija, you've been in high school anjan Chaos ever since. Can't you see? It's been a few years Sha, and I can see how serious it is That boy is yours. Because he won't last if the person isn't serious with you. Stop pretending that you're heartless Sha because for me you're not like that. Forget your past hija, your past eats you up too much. Not all men are like that. Your father. Everyone who leaves has a reason. "

"It's not that aunt, I still don't want it."

"You're being stuck by your past Sha, free yourself and live peacefully. Life goes on hija so you must go with the flow."

"Thank you tita." and Im sorry, I don't really tend to vent my feelings even with my friends.

"I love you Sha ...." Then my aunt hugged me so I hugged her back.

It's NIGHT and Sherina is still gone, she didn't say goodbye to her aunt or even saken. He said he was like that for a few days and my aunt and I had no idea where he was really going.

I was sitting on the sofa in the living room when I heard the sound of a car outside our house. So I looked at the glass window but I was even more surprised when Sherina came down from there and then Zyle?

Why are they together this time?

Zyle drove Sherina to the opposite side of our gate, they talked before Zyle returned to his car and Sherina waved him goodbye.

I don't know but all of a sudden my blood went up. Damn! Chaos' friends are about my age! Which is eight damn years my mark with him!

I won't allow Sherina to be hurt, it's obvious that Zyle is a woman!

I looked at the main door as it opened and Sherina's smile widened as she entered.

"Where have you been Sherina Zaine?" I saw that he was surprised when he saw me standing next to the glass window. I saw her gulped for a moment.

"G-I'm great, Phen. We just did projects." And now he can lie?

"Really? Then Zyle picked you up to take you home?"

"H-no sister! I'm not with him! Phen brought saken here." I was even more annoyed with his answer, he finally denied it.

"Why are you with Zyle, Sherina? Tell me is there anyone between you?" He would have appealed when I spoke again. "Don't fucking fool me Sherina! I saw you get out of her car next to her! Just now!" I couldn't stop myself from raising my voice to him. She bit her lip and played with her fingers, she can't even look at me.

"Goodness Sherina! Do you know how many days Tita has been worried about you ?! And I'm still the reason you're doing it! Fuck! What are you doing with that man ?! Every day Sherina! Now you've just been able to lie, tell me what's with him and you're like that? " I just hope my aunt doesn't wake up at the strength of my voice.

"Ate ... N-not Zyle ..." Weak but enough for me to hear.

"What?"

"I-its Zarius ate ..." I was even more surprised.

"Sherina ... you know how many years he's separated from you! Sherina you're still a minor while him? The government doesn't hold back when something bad happens!"

"I like him ate ..."

"Like ?! You're still young Sherina. You don't even know Zarius very well! He's known as one of a certified playboy! You don't even know if he's just playing with you! Qt why did Zyle bring you? Or rather why are you with him? "

"I'm sorry sister, I like Zarius so much. And Zyle delivered the saken because older brother Chaos needs him. Last night older brother was drunk so Zarius always accompanied him. But before he got drunk earlier, he talked to me." I froze when I heard his name again. Why is it always like that? I fall silent when I hear his name.

"Ate, the event is open and they will also perform tomorrow. Kuya Chaos told me that they will come as a promise. Ate, I know there is a problem between kuya and you. This is not the first time I see him miserable and ruined. Ate , he really loves you so much and he really mean it. " I didn't even shout or scold Sherina for what she said.

He wasn't the only one who said those things, almost everyone around him was open -mouthed. Who is really wrong?

They who are being pushed for the sake of the person I don't want Or am I who is still tough for someone like him?

No, because no matter what I do, there is still no change.

I can't open my heart to love.

It's already 12 in the midnight and I decided to call Maria Alyana who is currently in New York City with her mom and her tita. She met a guy who happened to be Jax is the name again. And the second time he was hurt again, he said that Jax had a misunderstanding with him. And then finally Alyana decided to go to NYC with Drew to pursue her dream with the help of her aunt Amanda.

"Hey ..." I heard on the other line that his voice sounded tired.

"You okay?" I asked.

"I have to Sha," she answered and sigh deeply.

"You're thinking him again, aren't you?

"It's not that easy to forget him especially and I love him so much. He's just really stupid so he won't listen to me. But however, I don't seem to have any anger in my heart."

"Sooner or later, you will realize how stupid you are with the things you do with him."

"Yah I know, but anyways. Why were you called?" He asked, I had second thoughts if I told him knowing that he also had a problem like me.

"Nothing, I just missed you that's why."

"Awwww that's the first time! You missed me! I know there's a problem Sha, c'mon you can talk to me."

"Nothing really, just maybe I'm not used to being noisy before I go to sleep." I heard her laughed, im sorry for lying Alyana. Even though I'm not really at home.

"I said will you miss me?"

"All right, go rest, it's obvious from your voice that you're tired."

"Oh, you should be the one to go to sleep! It's already midnight! Goodnight Sha! I love You!" And as usual, I immediately dropped the call. I really don't like that.

I"m not really used to opening up to others. Hayst.

Fuck! Why can't I sleep ?! I've been rolling around in my bed before but I still haven't felt drowsy!

I woke up when I thought of something.

Will I?

Haist bahala na!

Eventually I got up and went to my closet to change my clothes and put on a jacket, I just picked up my phone and went out. I carefully closed the door of my room and walked slowly because I could pass my aunt's room.

I took a deep breath when I got down, I immediately went to the kitchen first.

I just hope I don"t regret it.

I opened the refrigerator and looked for wine. When I saw there was no one to say I stumbled upon it. Shit!

Halfway through I decided to go out. I immediately took my car key from the jacket I was wearing.

Sorry tita ....

While I was driving, I called Zarius' number, I don't know why I have a non number but that's it!

I just recognized it but he also answered.

"Hell--"

"Where's Chaos?" I asked immediately.

There was a moment of silence before he answered.

"A-what did you say?"

"Tsk you heard so I don't have to repeat." I said coldly.

"He's on his unit, he fired me because he said he could handle himself. And maybe he's still drinking until now. Why did you cry ---"

"I need access to the guards so I can enter your building."

"P-are you going here ??" He asked in shock.

"What floor is his unit?"

"Wait are you serious ?!"

"I need to know where the hell is his unit and what floor Zarius!"

"Easy easy! Okay his unit is on the fourth floor besides ----" I didn't let him finish and I immediately turned off the call maybe I can quietly enter their building.

And then there was no question, my car entered the gate and knew I was coming.

Maybe it's alcohol so I have the courage now.

Hayst! I don't even what im doing right now!

Bahala na!

I immediately got out of my car and went straight to the entrance and then to the elevator. I hit the fourth floor where Chaos' unit is, his unit only covers one floor?

When the elevator landed on the fourth floor, that's when I felt my nervousness.

Damn! Maybe I'm crazy! I come here without thinking! What went through my mind and I went with him ?!

I went back and forth outside and wondered if I would ring the doorbell outside.

Fuck!

But thanks to alcohol, because somehow I get courage.

Eventually I decided to cut it, but no response. That's why I did it a few times but there was still no Chaos coming out when I punched him so that the door would open and throw out a shirtless Chaos holding another glass containing wine in his hand.

I saw him eyes widen when he saw me, he even let go of the glass he was holding which is why it broke and made a noise. Her messy hair could not escape my sight and her eyes would bulge and the lower part of her eye would almost explode because of the eyebags.

"S-shaina?" He said and gulped.

I didn't waste another chance and I quickly approached her to kiss her. I felt he was surprised, I get this chance to push him inside and for me to close the door. He can't move because he's still shocked.

I clung both of my hands around his neck and pull him closer to me.

He's still not responding to my kisses so I bit his lower lips cause to part his lips, its my chance to push my tongue inside of his mouth.

Fuck alcohol!

This is my fucking first kiss but that's it right away!

Until I felt his lips move too, I tried to open my eyes and closed his eyes while kissing saken together. I felt both of his hands encircled on my waist and pulling me closer to him enough to feel him down there.

Goodness! He's hard as rock!

I gulped, I felt him react! Shit!

Is this even real ?!

His kisses were passionate first until it goes on rough and wild. He's an expert when it comes to this so I shouldn't be surprised. My lips suddenly form a smile when I felt his palm touches my back up and down. God! What on earth am I doing ?!

I looked on the ground when I felt lifted up, before I knew it he would carry me both of his arms and our down there almost touches. We're still kissing aggressively like there's no tomorrow. And I can taste the mint and his alcohol on his mouth. I guess, we're both drunk. But I'm still a sober.

To be continued...