"Where do you live? You're not going home?" I asked.I just finished reviewing our lesson earlier.
"My apartment is in the other subdivision. By the way, are you going to sleep?" I nodded in response.
"If that was the case, I'm going home." He got up and headed for the door while I followed behind him. He stopped and turned around at me.
"In case we don't meet at CU, expect me to visit you here... Take care and call me immediately when there is a problem," he said seriously. I smiled before answering him.
"Thanks for being concerned but how can I do that? I can't guess your number," I said almost chuckling. "Give me your phone. I'll save my number." He laid his hand.
"Okay, just wait there. I was left it on the table." He nodded so I went back to where we were earlier. I handed the phone to him and when he handed it back to me, I immediately put it in my pocket.
"Be careful coming home, Jas." "Aren't you really going to stop me? You have no mercy, what time is it?"
`I know, Jas! It's morning! But what can I do? My apartment only has one bedroom. You can't fit on the sofa and I don't have an extra pillow and blanket." I wanted to tell him everything on my mind but my mouth couldn't get it out.
He chuckled that's why I frowned."I'm just kidding, El. I'm going home." He flicked my forehead again before turning around with his two palms in the pocket of his jacket. He's so damn cool with his outfit and appearance. It looks like someone is whispering to me to run and hug him and not send him home because it's dangerous.
"Don't make a fool of yourself, El. Don't expect too much from him. He will leave, he's just a temporary happiness." I smiled bitterly before closing the door. After I drank the water, I entered the room.
I start to refresh my mind from all the unexpected things that came. As long as I can, I'll avoid thinking negative thoughts. I want to enjoy my life, I want to become a normal teenager, not a killjoy one. I want to experience that my life does not only revolving around learning/studying. However, I will not let it down from my responsibilities. My score is always high and the expectations of my guardian are just as high and I don't want them to look down on me.
I only get good grades.
I wouldn't be worth anything to the people I care about if I didn't have it.
I'm still buried in proving myself to my father.
I want to sense his pride in my accomplishments so that I'm doing everything I can to make him satisfied.
I want to show him that he is mistaken in believing that I am nothing more than an unwanted child.
In the middle of the journey of my mind, I heard a knock. The twitter flowed through my whole vein because in my room itself it was knocking. Nervously, I got up and went to the door of my room. I opened the door slowly and peeked first to make sure. My jaw dropped as the man finally opened the door and stared at me with his frown.
"W-why did you come back? And how did you get in?" I asked stunned.I looked at the main door and realized I hadn't locked it.
"Why didn't you lock the door?" he asked frowning that"s why I pouted.
"I-I am sorry...I forgot! Why did you come back?" His expression softened and I could see how he gulped. "Do you have an umbrella? Lend me one first."
I freeze for a moment and left him at the door. I went in the direction of the window and I pulled back the curtain. After I saw the situation outside, I sat on the sofa and he also leaned beside me.
"Don't go home." I gulped. "M-maybe you'll slip on the road and get a head injury... And then you'll forget about me," I said, not facing him.
I heard her soft laugh again but I was even more surprised when he lay on my thigh as his foot passed over the sofa.
"You've said a lot of words...You're just concerned about me," he said while his eyes were focused on me. He closed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. He was breathing softly which is currently the opposite of how I feel because of him. My heartbeat was so fast and I'm hoping that he didn't hear it.
Is this like what our relationship was like then? I don"t remember anything. Is this merely a friendly relationship?
Or much more? What is it that we are attempting to achieve?
Is that a romantic relationship?
I sighed before combing his downy hair by my finger. "You look like a giraffe, Jas. You can't fit in here on the sofa so let's just...share in my bed." He opened his eyes and the smile on his twinkling lips and eyes flashed again.
"You said something differently. I think, you just want me to be by your side, don't you?" I averted my sight from him.Is he tempting me? I didn't know what I should answer to his question!
What the hell! I don't really understand it anymore! It is too fast and I"m still confused by everything!
Breath, El. Focus.
He returned to his seat and stretched his body. "Go to sleep, El. I'll be right next to when I know you're asleep."
I turned to him. "If you're feeling embarrassed, awkward, fear, or apprehension, bury it. This isn't the first time we'll sleep together so calm down." I just nodded and entered the room first.
There's no room for my delight, and I'm sure I'll feel pretty alright the day after. In less than a minute, I was engulfed in darkness because of the joy I felt.
And in my dream, someone kissed the forehead of the sleeping El, and the person who did it was the man Jas that I only know now. After the kiss he did, he left words that destroyed my whole being.
"I miss you so much and I'm hoping that I can enter your dream to tell you that I'm so in love with you, since day one."
- ••THE next day, I woke up as if I had a strange dream. I don't recall anything, but I'm not in a good mood. I expected to wake up as joyful as I was when I went to sleep, but I'm starting to feel strange. What did I dream of making me feel like this?
"Are you alright?" Jas asked worriedly.
We had breakfast together and I don't know why he refused the coffee I brewed for him. He only eats sandwiches and juice.
"I'm fine, Jas." I smiled to persuade him and when his phone rang, he answered right away.
"Hello, Baki?"
Who is Baki?
I was dead malicious that he was talking to someone. I focused my gaze on my meal so he wouldn't see that I was inquisitive about who he was conversing with.
"Your mouth, Baki." I heard him chuckled and when I secretly looked at him, he was smiling while his index finger was in his temple. He seemed to be confused but was pleased with what Baki was saying and I couldn't help but ask myself who the woman was.
"Don't worry. I'm fine. I'm here with my friend, I'll go home later." He put down the phone and I turned to him. I smiled at him before I stood up to bring my empty cup into the sink. When I returned to the dining table, I did not sit down again.
"I'll take a shower first, Jas. I have a class today. Did you have a schedule in the morning too?" I asked.
He shook his head. "No, I haven"t. My schedule is always at night."
I was flabbergasted by his answer, but I didn't make it an issue further. I don't want the talk to drag on since I'm not in the appropriate frame of mind.
I don"t know why. I"m disgusted for no apparent reason. Maybe because it is also unfortunate that we can only meet twice on campus due to our respective schedules. I just hope he fulfills what he said that if we don't meet at CU, he will visit me here.
After taking a shower and fixing my uniform, I found him in the living room. Isn't he going home yet? Baki was worried. He might get hurt when she found out that he slept in a woman's apartment.
"Jas, you haven't come home yet?" I asked as I sit beside him on the sofa.
He gave me a serious look, but I couldn't figure out what he was trying to say with that glare. I was nervous, but I kept it to myself. I continued to give him a beaming smile.
"Can I stay here until you get home?" he asked.
I felt happy but immediately disappeared when I realized I had a class this morning.I'm not going to be able to skip class just to be with him. I'm just starting senior high school and don't want the teachers to have such a negative view of me.
He laughed and flicked my forehead."It's okay. I can be alone. I'll be home when you're here." I nodded and turned to walk away when he grabbed my shoulder.
Enthusiasm surged through me, especially when I felt his lips brush across my brow. I was embarrassed to reveal my face, so I turned away from him promptly. I knew I was red and the annoyance I had been feeling since I woke up seemed to have disappeared.
"Be careful, El." I was no longer able to answer him and immediately left the apartment.
El
Seven years ago
Now I realized all. On how he met El, and why he was longing for seven years.
I'm sorry, Jas but I won't tell you that now I know everything from your past. I'd like you to accept and value the new me. I'd like for you to adore me even more than you did before because I am better than the old Elanor.
My second day as a senior high school student at Cannard University went well. I had high self-confidence that I would be able to lead the class like I was used to in elementary and junior high.
I could see in the eyes of my classmates and professors how impressed they were with my performance and I would never disappoint them till the end of the school year class.
No one has tried to be friends with me yet but I don't regret it. Someone is waiting for me and I will make sure I will be enough for him. I will make sure he feels the same fun as he made me feel when we first met.
Jas had just left and he promised to return on Saturday. It's sad because I have a few more days to count to that day. His schedule is always at night so it's hard to mediate time to roam. He said he slept in the morning and studied at night so we only had time on weekends to meet and talk.
It's different to think about his daily routine. It looks like he was scared in the morning maybe that"s why his complexion is too white.
Three days passed and I feel like time has slowed down even more before Saturday arrives. My advanced studies in the special subject of STEM-11 PreCal and GenChem have reached almost five modules just to entertain myself.
My apartment is also very clean. There was nothing I could do so I forced myself to entertain myself at the mall. It's Thursday thus I"ll have a night class tonight.
I watched a movie, ate, and bought a book. Even though I can't feel my dad's love for me, I'm full of the finances he gives to me. I don't know when he will accept me as a child. I don't know how long he will bring the false accusations he believes to me.
Friday came and I was almost uneasy thinking that we would meet tomorrow. What can we do? Where are we going? In my seventeen years of life, I have only just felt this kind of emotion so I will never change my view of him. If I had to beg for him to stay with me, I would.
I just finished reviewing OralCom and GenMath. It's eleven-thirty in the evening and later, it's Saturday. I can"t wait to wake up and wait for him to come!
I put away my notes and went to the kitchen to drink some water. I was about to enter the room when I heard two consecutive knocks on the main door. I immediately went to it and wondered who was going to talk to me at this time of night. Maybe it's not a thief because the village is very secured.
I opened it and my heart and body jumped for joy. He's here! I want to cry because he doesn't make me hope. I want to cry because he's here to make me feel that I have value too, and not everyone will leave me because I"m boring.
"Jas!"I tiptoed and wrapped my arms to his nape. I hugged him tightly and I felt like I usually read in the novels I read. I felt the butterflies in my stomach as he hugged me on my waist as well.
"Thanks for coming, Jas," I said softly but full of fun. My head was leaning against his chest so I could literally smell his scent.
I don"t know but at this age of ours, I can see how hot he is compared to the men I've met.
He chuckled before letting go of our embrace."Why did you say I wouldn't come back?"
"Because no one wants to be with me?" I said in question type and then smiled. "It was my first time to feel this way, Jas. So thank you."
He smiled back at me too and I couldn't see his sympathy and plasticity for me because his smile was pure joy at meunlike the things, I'd seen and received from the ones who had been a part of my existence.
"You won't feel alone anymore, because I'm already here, El." My heart warmed because of what he said but I was immediately pissed when he flicked my forehead again.
"Put on a jacket, we're leaving."
After what I heard, I stopped touching my forehead and my eyes popped wide open. I had no idea that my mouth was open until he closed it for me causing me to awaken from my state of shock. I even shook my head to get rid of the stupidity in the body. MY GOD! He is the only one who can stop the flow of my brain! Only him! He defeated my defense at school! "Are you aware of what time it is?" I asked.
He nodded. "Are you sleepy? We can still go tomorrow night." He smiled but I could see it wasn't as bright as he had given me before. "Go to sleep. You look tired in class."
"How are you?" I asked him sadly. I wanted to ask why he didn't want to roam in the morning but something was mediating between me that I"m wasn't in a position to find out everything about his life. It's just confusing what he's busy with in the morning because there are no classes since it's weekends but he prefers to go for a walk at night.
He shrugged and trying to retain his heavy smile."Go home? I'll just be back tomorrow. About seven thirty at night." I nodded lugubriously and observed his figure as he walks to leave my apartment.
I took a deep breath before closing my eyes to gather some courage to stop him from leaving. I don't want to see my man in a doleful situation. Aside from that, I want to spend my night with him. I'm just wondering why he wants us to go out at this time. I'm longing for this day to come and I know I can't easily fall asleep thinking I refused my Jas request. He's now my happiness and remembering his elegiac expression makes me feel the same.
"Jas!" He stopped and turned around toward me. "It was fine with me!" A smile full of joy returned to her lips when he returned. "I'm just trying you if you will compel me, Jas. But why didn't you forced me?"
"I'm not in the habit of coercing someone. If you don't want to do it to yourself, don't do it to others. " He left me at the door and walk in the direction of the sofa. He sat there and looked at me as if he were living in the house.
"You don't want to be forced?" I asked and closed the door before sitting down next to him.
He chuckled and looked at me with wondering expression. "I thought you were smart? Are you weak in analyzing? "
The side of my lips rose a little. "For your information, I asked but it doesn't mean that I didn't understand you. I asked to make sure of it, did you get it? " I stood up and rolled my eyes at him before heading to my bedroom.
"Umm, El," he called as I held the doorknob. I didn't look at him but I didn't go into the room to hear what he wanted to say.
A few seconds passed but he was still silent so I turned around. "I'm not mad, you look like a fool." I even laughed a little because of his expression.
"Did I ask if you were mad?" In the distance between the two of us, I could see his ear was red. He did not react as he focused on the floor.
"Then, what's your problem? I'll get dressed, will you come with me?" I joked.
"Damn," he said softly.
What the freak! It was delicious to the ear as if hot coffee had caressed my throat when I heard that word from him.
He got to his feet and rubbed his nape.
He's pretty red, and I'm not sure if that's normal or not.
I was ready to approach him when he made a hand signal that halted me.
"El, come on! You had a s-stain on your s-short! Please, come in and change! "
I could no longer speak because he left the living room. He headed to the kitchen and I even heard him close the refrigerator as well as the sound of the glass he laid on the table.
"Weird." I just shrugged and entered.
It's as if I'm already naked in front of him if he can react.
It's simply a drop of blood.
I'm a woman, and menstruation is a natural part of my life.
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