Chapter 913

Gu Yun stared at Pei Chuan for a long time, his fingers numb with tension. Hah... just likes me. How pathetic. This confession came far too late. Lowering his head, Gu Yun laughed until tears streamed down his face. "Seems like you're really sick—sick in the head." With great effort, he pushed himself up, leaning on his uninjured leg. "You say you like me now... but back then, when I stood right in front of you, you called me disgusting." Pei Chuan drew a sharp breath, his fists clenching with the urge to go back in time and punch his past self. That damn mouth of his—it never knew when to shut up. Gu Yun struggled to undo his buttons, revealing countless bruises—evidence of that night... the night he was violated. "Now that you see this," Gu Yun asked, voice steady, "do you still like me?" Pei Chuan stood frozen, fury coursing through him, his entire body trembling. Right now, he wanted nothing more than to kill those bastards. "These are all marks left by others," Gu Yun said with a hollow laugh. "I went willingly. That day... when I saw the news of your engagement, I walked into that gay bar on my own. I just wanted to have some fun—except things got out of hand..." "Later, I got scared. I called you... and your fiancée answered." Gu Yun met Pei Chuan's gaze. Tell me, how dare he claim to love me now? "Stop... Gu Yun, just stop. Let me go kill them, alright?" Pei Chuan trembled uncontrollably, his arms tightening around Gu Yun as if trying to shield him from the world. At that moment, his heartache reached its breaking point. The truth was... he'd always ached for Gu Yun. He just hadn't realized before that this ache was love. "Why kill them? I went willingly..." Gu Yun kept repeating, his voice hollow, as if trying to convince himself more than Pei Chuan. A bitter laugh escaped him. "Pei Chuan... you were sick, and I cured you. Now that you're healed... go back. Go to your fiancée. Marry her, have children, live your life. Just... never come looking for me again. Promise?" His voice cracked as he lowered his head, the words scraping his throat raw. He stood there before Gu Yun, once again trampling his own dignity underfoot. He still remembered when they first met—how Pei Chuan had mocked him upon learning he liked men, pretending to be interested just to toy with him. Gu Yun had believed him. Even through the humiliation, he'd resolved to prove his loyalty, to show he meant no harm to Beckett. So he followed Pei Chuan to that hotel, into his room. Back then, it was the bravest thing he'd ever done. He'd secretly adored his senior for years, yet never dared step into his room. But for Pei Chuan, he'd sacrificed every shred of dignity he had. And in return? Pei Chuan had crushed it beneath his heel, over and over. "Beckett said you have a thing about cleanliness—that you won't touch women who've been with others. That's why you've never been with anyone, never married. Right?" Gu Yun's voice shook as he asked, his body a canvas of bruises, each mark like a knife twisting deeper into Pei Chuan's chest. He wrapped Gu Yun in his embrace, holding him close. "Yes..." He admitted it—he had a thing about cleanliness, couldn't stand touching what others had touched. Gu Yun laughed... tears scalding hot. "Then you can get lost, Pei Chuan. More than one man has touched me—three, in fact..." All in the same night. "Stop... please, Gu Yun, stop." Pei Chuan held him tighter, feeling for the first time a pain so unbearable it was as if his heart were being torn apart. He raised his hand and struck himself hard across the face. Why had he let him go? Why... had it taken him this long to realize his own feelings? "Why shouldn’t I say it? Pei Chuan... just go. I’m filthy." Gu Yun tried to push him away, but Pei Chuan’s grip was unrelenting. Gu Yun’s gaze was hollow, fixed on the window. At least they were on the first floor... If this had been the tenth, he would’ve shoved Pei Chuan aside without hesitation and jumped. It wasn’t that he was being dramatic. He didn’t care at all that he’d been slept with... Not one bit. He was already an outcast, a freak, a madman. He didn't care how many hands had touched this body of his. He just felt... that in this world, without his mother, no one would ever truly love him again. His body was broken, his mind was broken, his soul was broken. And now, even his heart was shattered. There wasn't a single part of him left whole. He wanted so badly to die... "Just go, Pei Chuan. Please." Gu Yun's voice cracked as he begged Pei Chuan to leave. "Don't make me go, I'm begging you..." Pei Chuan cradled Gu Yun's face in his hands and pressed his lips to his in a desperate kiss. Gu Yun froze, his body rigid with shock as he stared at Pei Chuan. He never expected this—never imagined Pei Chuan would kiss him. Tears burned hot down his cheeks, a flood of regret and aching tenderness overwhelming him. "You're not dirty... Gu Yun, marry me." Pei Chuan whispered the plea against his skin, trailing soft kisses down his neck. This was a proposal. He wanted Gu Yun to be his. "I don't want to marry you..." Gu Yun laughed bitterly, the sound laced with self-mockery. Pei Chuan knelt before Gu Yun, lifting his gaze to meet his. "Then I'll marry you." Gu Yun let out a soft chuckle, turning his face away as unbidden tears welled up in his eyes. He was laughing at Pei Chuan's shameless audacity... And at himself. Even in his wildest dreams, he'd never imagined Pei Chuan kneeling before him one day, proposing... Was this a dream? Or was it heaven taking pity on him, granting him this mercy? "Gu Yun, you're my one and only exception. Your very existence defies all rules. I realized it too late—just give me one chance, okay?" Pei Chuan's eyes never left Gu Yun's face. Gu Yun looked down at him, silent for a long moment before finally speaking. "It's too late..." He no longer trusted Pei Chuan. Yet, selfishly, he couldn't bring himself to let him go either... If only he had been born into a normal family, if he had been a girl... meeting Pei Chuan might have truly been his fortune. He would have been whole, unbroken. He could have been a bright, cheerful, healthy woman... He could have married Pei Chuan, could have been each other's one and only. Alas, there are no what-ifs. ... That night, Pei Chuan stayed by his side until dawn. Gu Yun was burning with fever and didn’t wake until the next afternoon. Lying in bed, he smiled at the man leaning against the doorframe, an apron tied around his waist. Pei Chuan tilted his chin up. "Get up and eat. I made your favorite—noodles with greens." At that moment, sunlight bathed them both, so warm and bright it felt... almost like a dream. Gu Yun pushed himself up and shuffled to the bathroom, staring at his reflection in the mirror. The truth was... he didn’t resent Pei Chuan at all. If anything, he longed to be with him. Now that he had what he wanted, shouldn’t he be happy? Turns out, the one who was sick wasn’t Pei Chuan. It was him. He was ill. But he didn’t want treatment. He just wanted to run away. "Pei Chuan," Gu Yun stepped out of the room, meeting his gaze. "Let’s go to Taiwan and get married." Pei Chuan’s breath hitched, his eyes wide with nervous hope. "Okay..." Gu Yun smiled too, though the corners of his eyes stung fiercely. Selfishly, he thought—if he had to die, at least let it be as Pei Chuan’s other half...