Chapter 915

Hotel Pei Chuan brought Gu Yun back to the hotel, his mind wandering the entire way. Linda's suicide was something he truly hadn't anticipated. He had left in such a hurry, without giving her a proper explanation or closure... In the end, he had been in the wrong. He had hurt two people... Pei Chuan was consumed by guilt, his expression dark and troubled. For the first time ever, Gu Yun had thrown a tantrum the whole way back—someone who was always so composed, so well-behaved that people often mistook him for being mute, had actually cried and begged Pei Chuan not to leave. But the moment they stepped into the hotel, Gu Yun suddenly fell silent. Perhaps, along the way, he had seen Pei Chuan's distress and hesitation. Pei Chuan... seemed genuinely worried about that Linda. Now that he had calmed down, Gu Yun suddenly realized he had become the very thing he despised most. He had actually started making unreasonable demands... "Gu Yun, Linda is like a younger sister to me—we met in the orphanage when we were kids. That's all she is to me. I've never been in a relationship before, and nothing ever happened between us. We didn’t even hold hands. You have to believe me." Pei Chuan had been explaining the entire trip. "Gu Yun, when Linda came back to the country, she said she wanted to try dating me, even mentioned marriage. At the time, I didn’t realize I had feelings for you, so I agreed..." Pei Chuan kept rushing through his words, terrified that Gu Yun might misunderstand. Gu Yun remained silent the entire way, not uttering a word even in the elevator. It wasn’t until they stepped into the apartment that he finally spoke. "Pei Chuan, you should go… I’m sorry, I was too emotional. You really should be there..." Suddenly, it struck him—this wasn’t fair to Linda either. Pei Chuan had run off without warning and married a man… That really wasn’t fair. His very existence must have broken that girl’s heart, hadn’t it? Having weathered his own storms, Gu Yun knew the despair of wanting to die. That’s why he pitied her. Guilt gnawed at him—because of him, Pei Chuan had cheated… Pei Chuan froze, staring at Gu Yun. He had become eerily calm. His emotions were like a rollercoaster—one moment shattered, the next unnervingly composed. It unsettled Pei Chuan. Back when Gu Yun had shown suicidal tendencies, Fu Sihan had specifically called to warn him: Gu Yun had bipolar disorder, and his depression was severe. A breakdown could happen at any moment. Fu Sihan had also cautioned that his mood swings—like a rollercoaster—were even more dangerous. That was exactly why Pei Chuan had dragged him home and kept him under watch—to stop him from doing something reckless. Yet, he never expected Gu Yun to leap off the second floor without hesitation. "Go ahead, I'm really fine." Gu Yun smiled at Pei Chuan as if nothing had happened. "I just lost my cool for a moment. Maybe these past three months with you spoiled me rotten..." Made him mistakenly believe that Pei Chuan truly loved him. But how long can love last? Three months was enough. A few days short of three months didn’t matter anymore. Gu Yun felt he had no regrets left. "Get some rest..." Pei Chuan ruffled Gu Yun’s hair gently. Gu Yun nodded with a faint smile. "Will you come back?" If he went to M country, would he ever return? "Don’t be silly. Of course I’ll come back." Pei Chuan sighed, pulling Gu Yun into a reassuring hug. "We’re legally married now." Gu Yun replied calmly, "Then you should go. Don’t keep that girl’s family waiting too long." As expected, those who empathize too much only end up hurting themselves. His sudden composure masked a heart already shattered. Pei Chuan coaxed Gu Yun into the bedroom, urging him to rest. "You’ve been on a long flight. Get some sleep, okay?" Gu Yun nodded. He sat on the edge of the bed, watching Pei Chuan walk out of the bedroom, watching him close the door behind him. The moment the door clicked shut, his entire world seemed to collapse. His body went slack, as if all strength had drained from him, and he slumped onto the bed. In that instant, he was like an oil lamp snuffed out, a soulless husk of a man. Like a ship lost at sea, searching in vain for the guiding light of a lighthouse. The silence of the room pressed in around him. After a long moment, Gu Yun pushed himself up and stood by the window. The Netherlands was beautiful—peaceful in a way he had always loved. He had chosen this as the final stop of his journey for a reason. This was the first country in the world to legalize same-sex love. Back when he was just a confused teenager, when he still thought of himself as a monster, an aberration, he had learned that somewhere out there, in this distant land, people like him could love freely—without judgment, without shame. He had dreamed countless times of strolling through the old streets of Amsterdam with the person he loved, watching the lights dance on the canals under the night sky. But now, as always, he was alone. Leaning against the window, Gu Yun took in the vibrant nightscape—the boats gliding along the water, the bustling crowds, the glow of streetlights. The Dutch seemed to adore bicycles. Even in the busiest streets, most people pedaled to and from work, weaving through traffic with effortless grace. This place, he thought, might be a good final resting place. Somewhere he could end it all. He drew a deep breath, guilt tugging at his chest. Dying here would probably cause trouble for the locals. But he didn’t want to leave. Not really. Let him be selfish one last time, granting his soul eternal freedom. Gu Yun stepped out of the bedroom after showering and changing into his favorite outfit. He had intended to end his wretched, lonely existence right then—until he saw Pei Chuan returning home just as he opened the bedroom door. Carrying takeout dinner, Pei Chuan froze at the sight of him. Gu Yun looked breathtaking tonight... so breathtaking it made Pei Chuan's chest ache. "You... didn't leave?" Gu Yun's voice trembled. "I never said I was going." Pei Chuan set the food down quietly. "I just needed to explain things about Linda. I already contacted her parents and told them the truth about our so-called engagement. She'd proposed we try being together for a year—marry if neither of us found someone else by then. But the deadline hasn't arrived, and I've already found the one I love. So that agreement is void." Gu Yun stood rooted in place, numb and dazed, suddenly feeling like a clown desperate to vanish into thin air. He'd been ready to end everything. Yet here Pei Chuan was—like a shaft of light cutting through the mouth of hell, violently derailing his plans. "I also asked friends in M Country to talk sense into Linda. She's just throwing a tantrum, not actually reckless enough to throw her life away." Pei Chuan could still tell the difference between a tempest and true despair. The fear of losing Gu Yun had nearly paralyzed him. After setting the food aside, Pei Chuan walked over and pulled Gu Yun into an embrace, pretending not to notice anything amiss. "Dressed this nicely? Why didn't you wear this when we got our marriage license?" Gu Yun felt utterly ashamed, stammering for a long time without managing to utter a single word. Pei Chuan sighed and spoke softly, "Gu Yun... I know you're exhausted, barely holding on, aren't you? For my sake, could you hold on a little longer—just a few more years? If it ever becomes too much... I'll go with you. Wherever you want—the ocean, the mountains, even a rooftop—I'll follow." Gu Yun pushed Pei Chuan away in panic, his eyes wide with genuine fear. "What... what kind of nonsense are you saying?" He wasn’t afraid of dying himself, but the thought of Pei Chuan suggesting they die together terrified him. Pei Chuan’s eyes reddened at the corners as he spoke deliberately, word by word. "Would you really have the heart to leave me behind?" Gu Yun clenched his fists tightly, head bowed. "I can’t promise how long I can last, Pei Chuan... If you truly mean it, then do everything you can to keep me here. Keep me right where you can see me..." He wasn’t sure how much longer he could endure. If Pei Chuan loved him enough, maybe he could hold on a little longer. But if one day Pei Chuan stopped loving him... then at least he’d be free. "Fine," Pei Chuan murmured, pulling him into a tight embrace. "From now on, you don’t leave my sight. Not for meals, not for sleep, not even for the bathroom... or showers, brushing your teeth, work—nothing. You stay right where I can see you. We’re not separating. Ever." Gu Yun’s tears soaked through Pei Chuan’s shoulder before he finally answered in a muffled voice, "Okay..." "Don’t you dare break that promise."