54

SASHA Mike’s little face slowly materializes in front of me. Young, sweet, and full of tears. “Mishka, what’s wrong?” I ask, my voice breaking. “Help me, Sasha,” he whispers. “Help us…” I reach out a hand. “Slow down. Breathe. Can you tell me what’s wrong?” The moment I touch him, he falls to the ground, and blood explodes from his eyes, ears, nose, and mouth. The gruesome scene from four years ago slowly comes into focus. Mike’s body lies in the middle of all the others. Blood pools beneath them, and the corpses become identifiable one by one. My father, my mother, my cousins, my uncle, and even my brother. Anton lies on his side, bleeding from all his orifices like Mike. Uncle Albert walks in the middle of all the blood, expression downward and tears streaming down his cheeks. I call his name, but no words come out. Not even a sound or a cry. His eyes meet mine, blood tears soaking them. “Are you happy, Sasha?” I shake my head over and over. We can’t be happy. I’m not allowed to be h