3

2. The Shadows LORELAI Brax and I crossed through the portal, the magic stripping from us both. I gasped at the lightness it left me with—and the darkness. The weight of it was gone, but the shadows grew inside me as if they recognized where we were. I didn’t. It was so dark, darker than our white winter that consisted of constant night. It was as if every space had a shadow. I shivered as the cold bit into my skin through my clothes. Brax brushed up against me, his lips landing on my cheek. “We’ve got to get in the water,” he said, his own lips blue. The cliffs were dark; the water was ominous and black. I hesitated, fear trickling through me as my shadows filled every part of me. Whispers in the air had me spinning, but it was only the forest behind me, dark and terrifying. The forest seemed alive with things my human eyes couldn’t see. The purple magic of the portal was like a film in the air, and I chewed my lip. “Will anything be able to get through?” I asked. Brax shook his head. “No, not unless you let it. It’s your magic; it is still loyally bound to you. At least that’s how it usually works,” he said, his eyes darting over to the forest too. “That water looks terrifying,” I whispered, my voice raspy against the cold. The silence was even more intimidating than the whispers. Brax smirked and nodded. “Yeah, I’m not looking forward to this, so let’s get it over with, yeah?” He inched forward, his toes brushing the water. He hissed and pulled his feet back. “It’s fucking cold,” he said. I shook my head. “I thought something was actually wrong.” He blew out a breath. “There is. The water’s going to give me frostbite on my fucking balls,” he said, shivering. I laughed. “I guess you’re not used to feeling the cold, huh?” He shook his head. “Well, now you know how it felt going up that stupid mountain. Enjoy human,” I teased, and he smirked at me, shaking his head before wading in, trying to prove a point. I waited, still not feeling good about my ability to stay above water. “Can you see the cave?” I asked, and he frowned over at the cliffs, peering through the dark. But he shook his head. “No. But my shadows are pulling me toward it; they know where to go.” He shivered, and I nodded. Good, my shadows would too then. I waded in, gasping at the ice water hitting me. My nipples pebbled painfully, and I winced. Brax moved over to me, and he was right, my shadows were calm, soothing my anxieties, and pulling me toward where we needed to go. “C’mon. We have to hurry up before the wolves get too wild without my magic,” I said, shivering. Brax nodded and started to swim in the direction of the cliffs. I eyed his movements: arm, kick, arm, kick. I could do that. Except it wasn’t as easy as it looked, and I flailed in the water. The splashes made me cough, my neck stretched to keep my face out of it, but I was a useless swimmer. Brax swam back over, lifting me onto his back, hiding a smirk. “I am definitely going to remember what that looked like,” he said laughingly and started moving his hands through the water, his legs pushing us toward the cliffside. “Why? So you can traumatize me with it?” “What? No way. I’m going to recreate it. In bed.” He grinned, peering over his shoulder, and I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, it’s the flailing woman position.” “Exactly what we want. Kai can get you making that ‘holding your breath’ face— he’s got a thing for his fingerprints on your throat, and then between me and Derik, I bet we can get your arms and legs going like that.” He laughed, and I clutched him tighter, smiling despite the hurt in my heart. It seemed wrong to enjoy anything when I didn’t have Zale back, but my alphas had a way of distracting me, helping me take a break from the guilt and mind-numbing helplessness. It was working. Brax smirked at me, and I kissed his cheek as we came to the cliff. I sometimes forgot that Brax was so connected with the water. Maybe his wolf magic was gone, but that didn’t take away from the fact that his entire ancestry was the water area pack, and that gave them something extra when it came to it. They had the lake in their area, which meant swimming was probably as easy as walking to him. “It is,” he said, his biceps flexing against me as he pulled me around, helping me float with him. “Small kicks of your feet. We’ve got to find this cave entrance, and I think it’s under the water,” he said, and my heart rate picked up. “I’ve never really been underwater,” I admitted. He shrugged. “It’s quiet. Peaceful. Just pretend you’re in a really big bath, sinking below the surface to collect your thoughts. I’ve seen you do that, so I know you can.” He was right; I did do that. I could do this. I nodded at him, ready to do whatever it took. “Your shadows should lead you to the entrance, but if you need to come up for air before going through, then do that; I’ll follow your cues,” he said, and I nodded, taking a few practice breaths. “I’m guessing you’re really good at holding your breath too?” He grinned, pulling my lips to his. “How do you think I stay between your legs for so long, Spitfire?” I laughed and shook my head. “Head out of the gutter,” I said, then took another breath. “Okay, let’s do this.” I sucked in as much oxygen as I could, holding it in my chest as I sunk below the surface with Brax’s hand in mine. I used the little kicks he’d said to, to move forward, but I didn’t need to. My shadows fueled my body, moving me toward the tall, black, jagged rocks that covered the lake bed. “Don’t touch them. We don’t know what they’re made of or what will happen if disturbed,” I heard Brax’s voice in my head. “Yeah, because my first thought was to touch the sharp, black rocks that look like they want to skewer me like a spit roast,” I said back, and he laughed down the link. “Spit roast, now there’s another idea for the bed later,” he teased, and I almost let out my air in a scoff. “I want her mouth,” Kai interrupted the link, and I ignored both of their sexual comments, trying to see through the dark water, avoiding the spikes of rock that kept coming out of nowhere. It was hard enough to see, but these things were making it harder. My shadows were helping though, avoiding them for me. Without them, I was pretty sure I would’ve messed this mission up at least four skewers ago. My chest and lungs started to burn as I blinked hard, panic rising as my shadows moved me faster. I didn’t know how long I had left before I needed to breathe, but it didn’t feel like long. Brax grabbed my hand and pulled me along with him, but I tugged the connection. He eyed me, and I pointed to the surface. Brax went to pull me up when his head snapped to the water behind him. He frowned and tugged me toward it. I wanted to protest, but my shadows were pulling me there too. I held the last of my oxygen inside, the burning ache in my chest getting worse and worse. “I think we’re close, or the shadows would’ve let us surface. Hold on, Spitfire,” Brax encouraged. “I’m trying,” I replied. ~“Don’t panic; you’ll use more air,” he advised. “I’m trying,” I repeated, and he kicked harder. Until he yanked me against him, and we came face to face with a wall of cliff. He put his palm on it, pressing against it, his eyes wide. I shrugged and felt along it, but I needed air. I strained out my chest, trying not to take a breath, but it was taking everything in me. “Brax,” I urged in the link. “Get her out of there,” Derik snapped down the link, but Brax was still searching. “It’s here; it has to be,” he said back as I gripped the cliff. Black spots started appearing in my vision, and I grabbed Brax. He cursed down the link a second before something gripped my ankle. My air whooshed out in a tornado of bubbles, a scream escaping when whatever had grabbed me tugged me down. Panic filled my aching chest, and I reached for Brax. He grabbed my hands, trying to pull me back, fighting whatever had me, his biceps straining as his own face looked like air would be really good right about now. “Get out of there!” Kai roared down the link. “Don’t let her go!” Derik screamed at Brax. I tried to kick whatever had me off, but it held my ankle tighter. It didn’t matter anymore; I had no more breath in me. Darkness edged my vision, Brax’s desperate face and wide eyes the last thing I saw before it took me completely. I was pretty sure I was dead, but there was pain. My chest ached and burned. I was sure if I was really dead, it shouldn’t feel so awful. My shadows stirred inside me, and my throat closed, water rushing out of me. My eyes flung open as I coughed and spluttered, emptying my lungs and chest of all the swallowed water. My nose burned as it came out of there too, and I took heaving breaths to compensate. “Thank fuck,” Brax growled, his voice raw as he enclosed me in his arms. I was used to being warm, but he was freezing too. I shivered against him and pulled back to see him. “What happened?” I wheezed, and he nodded toward the cave entrance where the water was licking my feet. I was on stone and rubble, a bank on the inside of the caves. “The shadows were trying to show you where to go to get to the entrance. They weren’t your shadows, but I think ours were speaking to theirs. They weren’t trying to drown you though,” he said, and I coughed again, wincing at the pain that racked through my chest. “Okay. That’s not creepy at all, but thanks, shadows,” I said to the air, and the water bubbled before stilling. I tensed and looked at Brax. “They understand us; they know why we are here.” “And they’ll help?” “They’re hard to understand since they don’t actually talk, but from the feelings I got in my shadows, I want to say yes. But there’s a warning.” “A warning?” “Like not all of them are on the same side. Some will help, but I don’t think all of them will.” “And I’m guessing there is no way to tell the difference?” “Only in the feelings our shadows translate to us,” he admitted, and I nodded; that was just great. I went to get up, and Brax helped me. I clutched him, my head spinning. “Beautiful, you good?” Derik asked in the link. “Yeah, I’m okay. Is the portal?” I asked. “It’s holding.” “Just holding? Did something happen?” “It tried to close when you passed out.” “Oh.” “Don’t do it again, or I’m jumping in there and getting locked in there with you,” Kai threatened, and I smiled. They were hot when they were protective. “And you’re hot when you’re alive and breathing. Keep it that way. I like Brax; I don’t want to have to kill him for letting you die,” Kai warned, and I laughed. Brax rolled his eyes. “We need to keep moving; we don’t know where in these caves the beast is,” he said, and I sobered, following him into the dark caves that looked unstable as hell. Rubble and rocks weren’t just on the bank; they made up the pathways of the caves. It made moving through them a little slower than I wanted. At least the shadows were more alive than they had ever been inside me and Brax in our realm. His were constantly checking on me, soothing, caressing like normal, but it felt more intense than usual. “I feel it too,” Brax said, his voice echoing through the caves. “I like it,” I replied. He grinned. “If only there was time to see how much we could feel here.” He wriggled his eyebrows suggestively, and I laughed, clutching a piece of rock above my head and ducking as the cave lowered slightly before stretching out again. “I have a better idea. Remember the game we played with my shadows? And I had to find you?” I asked, and he nodded, narrowing his eyes on the tunnels ahead of us. “Yeah, want to try it to find the beast?” he guessed. I nodded. “We may not know what it looks like or anything, but we project our shadows out, and it’ll tell us when we’re not alone,” I said. Brax nodded, his shadows pouring from him. I let mine out too, and they were off, running like children through the caves. They were almost giddy, like they were being let out to play, and it was kind of adorable. I missed being able to use them while I was pregnant. I had been relying so much on magic that it was kind of refreshing not to be able to.