Chapter 5

He now looked resolved to talk "I......I have practiced this conversation so many times over in my head" he sighed "I still don't know what to say...... I'm sorry" His 'sorry' was bleeding my ears. I could feel the treacherous tears making their way out of my eyes; I didn't want to show him my emotions. My face remained stoic. His eyes fired up at my tears. I could feel him holding on to the last thread of sanity. He couldn't look away from my tears; he looked visibly in pain. That gave me a strange pleasure mixed sorrow. My wolf was howling inside me but I was pleased to see that I wasn't the only one suffering the moon goddess's joke. It was ironic that I realized at that moment that Dennis was right all those years ago; the wolf and the human do want different things. "She......I love her" I closed my eyes "And she's pregnant" "I know how much you are saddened by the idea of me being your mate. You fainted" he looked sad "And rightly so, you deserve to have a future and a mate who loves you. I'm sorry that you ended up with such a cruel fate" He looked at me, pleading "Say something" I bowed deep to the alpha in him and turned around to leave when he grabbed my hand and stood up "I said say something for god's sake" he yelled I turn back to look at his hand holding mine, a cold current waved through my body and ended up as a tingle in my toes. I curl my toes to suppress a moan. He let go off my hand I looked into his eyes "My wolf" I said with no emotion "she wishes to meet him once......just once" my voice was merely a messenger of my wolf. He looked shocked, that was not what he expected. Did he expect me to beg for his acceptance? His wolf let out a growl. He nodded, not taking his eyes off me, he moved back before shifting right in front of me. He was glorious, clearly the biggest wolf I have ever seen. Although I've seen him before, looking at him now brought a different kind of pleasure. I wanted to touch his matted golden fur, nuzzle my nose deep inside the fur of his neck and stay in his arms for the rest of the night. His dark eye glowed, taking in my desire. He felt it. He was walking towards me with eager strides. That brought me out of my trance. It was his wolf who was in control; he perhaps wouldn't like me touching him. And I didn't want to give him the pleasure of knowing that I wanted him too. I'll let him believe that it was all, my wolf's calling. I took a step back. His wolf growled, not liking me stepping back. I took few more steps away and quickly let my wolf take over. Oops! I ruined the clothes he gave me. He walked over to her as she waited in anticipation; her greyish white fur standing up in attention. He nuzzled his nose in the fur of her neck and she did the same. Shivers of pleasure washed over her sending a fresh wind of calmness my way, my soul tickled in joy. I let it sink in. They both looked up at the moon and howled together. Sadness washed over me, I knew I had to take her away and never let her meet him again. A low growl erupted from her only to be overshadowed by his loud growl. Dennis was having a fight with his wolf; they were both alphas trying to control each other. I forced her to move away from him, she retreated slowly, never leaving his gaze. He stood on the top of the mountain howling, unable to move, being held back by Dennis. They looked at each other longingly as Dennis forced his wolf to turn and run in the opposite direction, into the darkness. My heart broke at my wolf's sorrow. I can give away my life if it means taking away her sorrow. How was Dennis doing it? How could he bear the sorrow of his wild? Was his wolf's happiness not important to him? Or was it just that her happiness was just a little bit more important to him. Did he love her so much that he could tolerate hurting himself everyday just to keep her close? My wolf whimpered. She asked me if there was a way to get her mate back. 'No, there isn't, she's with a pup' I told her She went silent at that, her heart breaking in sorrow at the thought of her mate having a pup with another. We lay in the cold grass, under the moonlight. I woke her up as dawn hit the horizon. We made our way back home, to a world that is the same as yesterday yet everything in that world was new for us now. Her pain was greater than mine. I'll have to share her pain. I'll have to give her a reason to live again. And that wasn't going to be easy. But I'm sure she won't make it harder for me either. That was the best thing about us, we hated each other, fought with each other and argued about unimportant things; but we both respected each other's limits. I protect her pride and she does the same for me. ***** I think the certainty of the fact that there was no way I could ever claim my mate in this world made my decisions easier. Or was it just that I wasn't letting my mind sit back and think? I didn't visit luna that morning, I knew that woman would be there. We somehow missed her at the party and we wanted to keep it that way. I and my wolf didn't want to put a face to her, it will only make us suffer more. I waited until afternoon to meet alpha Blake at his office in the pack house. I was avoiding everyone like plague since morning. I was coming across as rude, but I didn't care. I knocked nervously at his door. "Esther" he greeted me with a wide smile "I see you are back for good" I gave him an awkward smile and greeted him. I felt him, my mate, he had followed me. Did he think I would rat him out? That makes me realize how little we knew about each other. "Dennis, why don't you quit standing at the door and come in" Alpha Blake called him. My heart jumped as the door opened. I didn't want him here, not at this moment, not withwhat I was planning to do. Dennis took a seat next to his father. I refuse to look at him. "So, Esther, when are you going to start your job?" Alpha Blake asked I scratch my neck at the awkward situation I was going to jump into. I better jump straight at it. I took a deep breath "About that, I came with a request alpha"