Chapter61: Light in the Darkness

*Maerilee* The walls are closing in around me. I feel it even when I stand outside on the balcony, when the sky yawns wide above me and the wind tugs at my hair. It is not the stone and mortar that smother me. It is something deeper. Heavier. It settles in my chest like a second heart, pulsing with every breath I take, weighing me down until I can barely lift my head. I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. I sit at council meetings where the generals hammer out plans and contingencies and fallback points, and I hear none of it. Their voices buzz around me like insects, persistent but meaningless. I nod when I am supposed to. I sign what they put in front of me. But none of it touches me. None of it feels real. The barrier is failing. I can feel it splintering at the edges. It is like trying to hold back the tide with my bare hands. No matter how hard I push, the water leaks through, rising, creeping closer. And I no longer have Akin beside me to assure me everything will be okay. The thought ca