32

SASHA Nadia’s and Nicholas’s deaths hit me hard. It felt like the massacre all over again. Their bodies in all that blood was a cruel reminder of my parents, my cousin, and everyone who left me forever. I’m not even close to dealing with that, but just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, they dramatically have. After Viktor picked us up from the cottage, it took us almost a day to arrive at the base since they couldn’t deploy a helicopter. That’s when we were hit by one piece of devastating news after the other. Rulan and his entire unit were wiped out. Viktor lost two men, and a few others were wounded. The general atmosphere at the base is so tense and thick, it could be cut with a knife. A depressive mood worse than mine hardens the men’s expressions and ages them beyond their years. When I was out there during the mission, all I thought about was eliminating targets. I chose not to think about the scattered remains of our men in the snow. Or the blood. Or the pain that would