I know the truth

Only the city lights fought back the darkness of midnight. The humming neon light over the noisy club reflected a sickly green in the oily layer of water on the streets. Nikolai and I left through a backdoor to avoid the clamoring crowd around the corner. I had the car ride across the city to ponder the churning thoughts in my head. One swelling, thought stirring notion whipped up and heaved into the next with as much force as a seething tsunami. Each wave slammed against the inside of my skull, threatening to spill out past the emotionless mask I tried to maintain. "You're already a better father than yours was.' That cut deeper than I'd like to admit. Even to myself. Most of my adult life, I told myself that I didn't want to have children. The trauma of my upbringing in Russia left a bitterness in my soul. Never mind Annika and Nikolai taking me away from that shithole. I couldn't get over the idea that I'd be no better than Ivan Makalov. In moments with her, I'd noticed the sneaking