#Chapter 98 Guilt

Jane I’ve always thought I was a good mother, but right now I feel like absolute garbage. Ethan’s words are ringing in my mind like some relentless bell. I can’t stop hearing the way he described my efforts to reunite the pups. He was right – about everything. He was right about how thoughtless I was regarding the pups feelings, right about my determination to carry out my plan without ever stopping to consider if it still made sense, and right that I was letting fear rule me. Of course, the problem with recognizing your fear, is that it doesn’t just disappear once you know it’s there. It’s not like in a dream, where once you realize nothing that’s happening is real you can change the course of events or wake yourself up. The fear is only too real, and as badly as I want to cure it, that’s not the way humans work. I can’t just wish it away. This is why psychiatrists always blame the parents. I think to myself. Because this is what happens. We impose all our own damage and neuro