Chapter 25

I fumbled to place my hand on his shoulder, biting my lip hard as I moved up and down, desperately forcing myself to sink into the abyss, to drain every ounce of strength from my body—as if that could make me forget all the pain. Sex—the endorphins it produced were the perfect anesthetic for numbing the nerves. I deliberately let myself drown in the physical pleasure, surrendering to him, surrendering to myself. I knew it was wrong. The only problem was, I’d already lost the chance to make the right choice. So why not indulge? It wasn’t like things could get any worse. … After it was over, I lay on the bed, gasping for breath, too exhausted to even lift a finger. He held me, taking a long while to recover before asking, “Why the sudden initiative?” I didn’t answer. Because I was shameless. Because I was depraved. Because I had no dignity left. I laughed silently, but inside, I was cold as ice—so cold that I couldn’t stop trembling. He must have sensed my despair. His fingers gripped my