Chapter 52 Yellow Roses

Malina was right about going outside. The fresh air cannot repair the damage that s been done to my heart, but it makes my body feel better, and it helps not being in the same building as that Russian strumpet and him whom I would have married. The necklace that symbolises our relationship hangs heavy around my neck, as though it is trying to drag me into the ground. Probably part of the enchantment on it, but I could care less at the moment. I just want it to be gone, to be free from all of this. I don t know where I would go or what I would do, but at least I wouldn t be tied to a man who lacks the courage and sense of dignity to rid himself of a whore who hopes to supplant his fiancée. I have not, ere now, spent much time in this rose garden. I believe it is Zinaida s favourite, which is probably why I have avoided it. Mostly I have not gone into gardens, save for the roof garden, without Dmitri taking me on horseback, and we have not had overmuch time for such things of late.