Chapter 42: ON A BEAM.

CASSIAN'S POV Is it right to feel the way I do? I'm not even sure how I feel! I am not even sure that I have the right to feel this way. Everything is just so confusing. Everything is so nerve-wracking. I miss the times when my life was easier, when the hardest thing in my life was determining which sport to take, determining which sport will make father the happiest. The last time I felt that little pressure was when I was five or seven or ten. I can hardly remember. I have my future to think about, always have, always will. Father's words stay playing constantly in my head. “You are the future Alpha Cassian! You need to quit acting like a child!” He told me that when I was nine, when I told him that I wanted to have face painting added to our birthday activities instead of the boring Waltz show. I cannot remember the last time I felt anything less than an adult. I often wonder why Lucian was never pressured as much as I was, I always wished that I could be ignored like he mo