Chapter 2 Giving up the Old Business

Blake left me. The sound of the engine roared in the underground garage, and a message popped up on my phone. "I'll be gone for a while. I'll have someone change the locks in two weeks, so pack up your things." I didn't reply to his message. Instead, I quietly walked through the house, erasing my presence of five years without a word. After a long while, my phone lit up again. Blake had probably already met up with Lily, that woman who couldn't stop trembling with fear. He was probably giving our ten-year relationship the kind of graceful ending people would feel good about. "Call me if you need anything. I just can't give you the kind of relationship you want, but we're still friends." I had loved Blake for ten years, but all I got in return was a casual, throwaway line—we were still friends. … That downpour lasted for two days. Grayford was soaked through. It was the kind of dampness that sank straight into your bones. I couldn't sleep at all. I kept getting up in the middle of the night, flicking my lighter just to feel something. Back when I first met Blake, he had been a broke thug who could only afford to stay in a semi-basement place. In the damp, heavy air, the only light came from the flicker of my lighter. I kept flicking the lighter. The flame flared up, then died down. Blake, who had a buzz cut, stood there and stared at me, who was in my school uniform. "Think it through, Zoey. I'm not the kind of guy who's going anywhere. I can't give you the future you want." Oh God. I was so naive back then. I took off my rain-soaked canvas sneakers and shoved my freezing feet right into his chest. I could feel his warmth through the thin fabric of his tank top. Blake's body felt like a blazing torch, heating me up slowly. There was nothing but the tiny flame of the lighter between us. Even so, I nodded. "Blake, I don't care about the future. I just need you." We had held guns and knives together, and we had spent nights in the stink of blood, gauze, and disinfectant. There were times he had choked me until I passed out and came to, again and again. He used to say that if he finally walked away from that life, the first thing he would do was to make me his wife. And now, he was giving up his old business. The first thing he did was to cut me off instead of marrying me like he had promised. I was 28, and I was too old to keep messing around like I was still 18. My family had already picked a good man for me to marry.