#Chapter 65-Repressed Childhood

I fall to a thunk on the ground, my hip and butt taking the brunt from falling out of my bed. My eyes are still mostly closed, but I know what’s going on. The nightmares are here once again. I know the cold sweat and the feeling of being clammy. And it seems like it’s all falling back to one thing. Ryan’s set off the childhood fears to stir back up. There’s so much from those days that no one knows. Even Derek isn’t aware of everything. And on top of that, I’ve never actually gone through any process to get better. I did what most people do and repress any emotion associated with this “You’re an adult, Esme. This is sad.” My brain is ringing with these words. “I’m pretty sure most people verbally and physically abused as a child doesn’t just get over it,” I remind myself. But that isn’t enough. I move my fingers to my necklace, playing with the jewelry as I continue to take large amounts of air into myself.