Chapter 1

Andrei Three days and still no sleep. The immense lack of much-needed rest irritates me as I watch the sunrise. I spend the entire night again, staring at the shadows on the roof, with no reprieve from the thoughts racing through my head. The "what if's and could have been’s" slowly get to me. Not even the screams of the rogue in the basement helped. I killed him too quickly. They never last long enough and don’t let me hear exactly how much pain I am causing, or maybe their pain doesn’t affect me because it doesn’t make mine hurt any less. I need their screams more than my next breath. Their suffering soothes the pain that burns in my chest. Even a couple of minutes more would give me the relief I seek. However, I can not afford for Kat to hear him scream, and she has been showing up unannounced lately to check on me, fearing that I killed him too quickly and for nothing. Kat’s hearing is even more heightened than ours. She seems suspicious of me lately, wary. The damn phone rings, but I can’t find it in myself to care enough to check it. I can’t move a muscle as I stare into the distance and listen to its incessant ringing. After a while, the ringing stops, and I almost feel like I can breathe again until it starts all over again. “Just answer it, Andrei. You aren’t the only one who is tired,” Donnie growls in my head. I roll on my side and reach for the damn thing. As I grip the device and turn it around to glance at the screen, I see my sister's face pop up on display. It is a picture of her, Angie, and some other girl. Jasmine, that was the third one’s name. All of them were at school in the photo. So many times, I have thought about clearing the phone storage and ridding myself of everything that reminds me of her, but I can not bring myself to delete it, even though it hurts every time I see my mate’s face light up the screen of my phone. “Hey, sis,” I answer her call with a loud sigh. “Have you spoken to dad?” she asks me. It is such a ‘her’ behavior, the no-nonsense and straight-to-the-point personality. I rub a hand down my face as if that will help me get rid of the now chronic tiredness and sit up. My eyes take in the room, and another sigh leaves me. With great effort, I force myself to climb out of bed. “No, I haven’t spoken to Derrick in a few days, why?” I mutter, walking around the room. My eyes search for something, but I'm not sure what exactly, as I’m still too tired to function. After a slight pause, my sister speaks. “I was going to see if he wanted to come to my birthing class. Mateo has to take over patrol, and now I have no one to go with.” What started as an explanation now sounds more like whining or some twisted plea, I can’t decide which. “Where is Ezra?” I should be able to push this on someone else because if this conversation is going where I think it is - I don’t want to go. “Meetings,” she sighs with a hurt little huff. Ah, damn it. This is the last thing I want to do, but I also hate upsetting her. If I come clean with my sister and tell her how much I don’t want to be a part of it my words will hurt her, regardless of what excuse I use. “What time is the class?” I ask and pinch the bridge of my nose. “In an hour.” she perks up, sounding unreasonably excited. Good, she can be excited for both of us. I roll my eyes. “Fine, I will take you. I don’t have to do anything, do I?” I barely hold back from cursing out loud, not wanting to sound like the biggest passive-aggressive asshole ever. “Really? You would go?” she gasps, completely ignorant of my previous slip-up. I can hear the shock in her voice. Little did she know I would do anything for her. Regardless of how busy or angry at the world, I might be. I will drop everything and run to her just to see her smile. I have always wanted a sister or a brother growing up, I wanted a real family, a big one. Kat is my family, and a little sis I would die for. “Yes, why wouldn’t I?” I ask her, pretending that her reaction surprises me. “Just can’t picture you wanting to go,” she admits without missing a beat. “Do you want me to go or not, Kat?” I will do anything for her, but this back-and-forth game is getting to me. Clearly, she called me to talk me into accompanying her, so why is she backtracking now? “Yes, but you don’t have to. I can get a lift into town.” She sounds a little wary as if she’s trying to convince me that my company isn’t what she needs, or maybe she is trying to convince herself. She should know by now that I’m not one to break my word. I roll my eyes again and chuckle. "I'll see you in an hour," I promise and hang up the phone before she can come up with more excuses or ways to get out of this. I grab a pair of jeans and a button-down shirt, laying them on the bed, and I head for the shower. Pretty sure Kat would not appreciate me walking in covered from head to toe in blood. If I risk it all and pull a stunt like that, she will know what I have been up to. I shower quickly, but pay extra attention to my skin and hair. Getting blood out of my hair takes the most time, but I manage to finish, get dressed, and leave the house on time. The drive there takes thirty minutes, and Kat is already waiting out front when I pull into her driveway. I reach over the passenger seat, open the door for her, and she climbs in. “Seatbelt,” I instruct her when her butt hits the seat. “They are uncomfortable,” Kat whines and crosses her arms in front of her chest. Sometimes she acts like a child, so I remind myself that a little scolding or a harsher word won’t hurt her. Always the same damn argument. I don’t understand why she bothers. She tries to pull off the puppy-dog eyes to convince me I don’t need to force her to buckle up. I simply twist the key in the ignition and turn off my car. “We aren’t moving until you’re wearing your seatbelt,” I argue. I know she is young, but her hissy fits will not work on me, Queen or not, she is still my sister. She rolls her eyes before reaching for it. “Fine,” she grunts, clicking it into place before adjusting it around her stomach. I smirk, nod, and start the car. “You are just as bad as them,” she mutters under her breath as she reaches for the radio and flicks through the stations till she finds one she likes. After a moment of silence, Kat perks up and glances at me. “How is the pack?” She asks. “Fine, working. What do you do in the birthing class thing?” I try to switch topics. The pack and any business revolving around it isn’t something I want to discuss with her. It might sound selfish, but I want to use this chance as an escape from my everyday misery. “Mainly breathing exercises,” she answers, glancing out the window as if the scenery is more interesting than my presence or the conversation she started. I know I have no right to feel this way, but her lack of enthusiasm stings, just a little, but it does. Especially since I have no interest in going to this birthing class, the least she can do is make conversation. “Like meditation?” I spit out the first guess that crosses my mind. “No, it’s more like a group of women sitting in a circle and panting like heifers. I believe it’s to see who turns red-faced first or whatever.” Kat explains and looks at me just to roll her eyes. A corner of my lip twitches. It has to be Mateo who signed her up for this class. There’s no way she is the one who decided to join it. I know she hates meditation, remembering how she told me she was wasting her time every time I tried when I was trying to get her to shift.